7 Principles to Protect a Marriage

Are you or your spouse hesitant to receive Christian marriage counseling? This article describes seven characteristics of a healthy Christian marriage. Consider treating each of these themes as points to share and discuss with your spouse as you work on improving your marriage and to help you decide whether Christian marriage counseling will strengthen your relationship.

Why consider Christian marriage counseling?

You will have seen it before in person or through photos, the smiling bride and groom on their wedding day, excited to anticipate the rest of their lives together. The reality for a too-high percentage of couples is that they choose to walk away from their marriage relationship. This can be done through a divorce, or a gradual drifting apart as resentment and apathy build a wall and divide the marriage.

Christian marriage counseling helps thousands of couples each year reclaim lost time and begin to laugh with and love one another again. Please read through the points below and consider whether or not you and your spouse can act on them yourselves, or whether prayerful, professional counseling will help.

Avoiding the trap of taking the other for granted

If you ask a couple who are courting whether they continually refuse to show love or respect to their potential spouse, your question will likely not make sense to them. So why when we get married do we neglect our marriage relationship? It may be that we are caught up in the hectic schedules of modern-day living trying to give our career, health, interests, and children each time in our weeks.

Without prioritizing our marriages they become neglected, and the result is that the relationship starts to weaken. During this time there may not be a lot of fighting, but the interest in spending time with one another is no longer there. The wife often notices something is wrong but gets shushed by her husband.

Like anything that people are involved in, a marriage needs regular, even scheduled, maintenance. Like a new purchase that looks shiny and works well, without maintenance it will lose its luster and effectiveness.

By spending quality time together in eye-to-eye contact conversation, as well as the other love languages explained by Gary Chapman in The Five Love Languages, you will be able to grow closer each year and protect your marriage by strengthening it.

Prioritize your relationship with God

Christian marriage counseling is not only about the other person, it also asks how you are being strengthened by God’s word. It is a well-known fact that each of us is a sinner who needs help and to be shown grace. Yet how can we show our spouse grace from a selfish heart? By reading the Bible daily we walk alongside the Holy Spirit who enables us to love abundantly; not out of our own strength but rather out of the love that God pours into our hearts.

If you notice or are disturbed by a split in the relationship between you and your spouse a starting point is to ensure you are right with God.

Stay active in a good church

The ministry of Christians to one another as part of a church body through hearing the Bible explained regularly each week is something that God blesses and strengthens. Neglecting to take part in this and to stop joining with others to worship God is harmful not only to yourself but also to your family.

In a strong church, a married couple will benefit not only from wise counsel but also accountability should their relationship stumble. If you are part of a church family like this or have been in the past, then it is likely that you can remember how it has affected your marriage.

If you are not part of a Christian family when you go through troubled times, they are much tougher. Christian marriage counseling will work with you to establish good habits to safeguard your and your spouse’s spiritual life.

Work quickly to deal with disagreements

It is unfortunately normal for a couple to, now and then, argue and fight. These moments are characterized by anger and hurtful words. As time goes on the anger will fade and the temperature in the home will cool back to normal, but the disagreement remains unresolved. There is a real danger that these little hurts pile up over the years and do not heal.

The warning of completely resolving disagreements with your marriage partner is well-founded as by remaining hurt and angry we make ourselves vulnerable to sin. Unresolved conflicts often only lead to more hurtful and damaging conflicts, as well as leaving the door open to extra-marital affairs.

This is a real and present danger that each couple needs to avoid by doing whatever they feel is required to become completely reconciled. In some cases, this includes Christian marriage counseling.

Honesty is the best policy

Lies may start small, disguised as half-truths or white lies, but their power to break down the bonds of love between you and your spouse is real. As Christians under the authority of the Bible, we are to speak truth to one another because not doing so is destructive.

A marriage makes two people become one body, and all the body parts need to work in harmony to function well; the ears and brain need to provide balance for the body to walk and move forward. We must be able to trust and assume the best of the other.

A key feature of a marriage where it is okay to tell the truth is that each partner checks themselves to make a safe space for their significant other to confess their failings and mistakes. If a husband fears his wife’s reaction to his poor investment decision or, if she does not trust his reaction should she bump into the car, likely, they will not tell one another. Being afraid of anger and emotional reactions to honest mistakes makes a person feel unsafe.

Next time you hear bad news, take a moment to be grateful to God that the other person had the courage of their convictions to tell you. Just as God has compassion on us each day, we are called and equipped to have compassion on others. We can restore people after their mistakes and do not have to condemn them.

Be watchful when dealing with the other sex

It is important that you affair-proof your marriage by being aware that no one is immune to sin. I am sure that you know few Christians who plan to have an affair, yet you may know some who have had unplanned ones, nonetheless.

Inappropriate physical or emotional relationships may well threaten a person’s marriage and more. The pattern is usually that a man and a woman meet, perhaps through sports, the gym, children’s activities, or even the church. They chat and come to enjoy seeing one another. As more time passes one or both begins to develop feelings for the other.

They find that they look forward to the next time they see each other and start communicating through e-mail, social media, or the phone. At some point, a barrier is crossed. There is a touch, then an admission of attraction, then a kiss. The slide into an affair continues, usually until they are caught, or sometimes when the conscience of one can’t stand the guilt.

This slow fade into adultery will hurt many. It may destroy the marriages of those involved. It is naïve to think that it cannot happen to you or me. The statistics force us to consider that if it does not it is because we are determined that it not ever begin, rather than assume nothing will go wrong in a relationship.

Show one another grace

You have heard, and know by experience, that the Lord does not treat us according to what we deserve. We are to do likewise and look to treat our spouses better than we think they deserve. Remember that a person’s failures and sins provide us with an opportunity to show one another grace. The grace God shows to us can be reflected in our lives through how we treat our spouses. Each partner can look to outdo the other in shopping love.

Looking for Christian marriage counseling?

If you are looking to better understand the benefits of Christian marriage counseling, or if you have decided upon it as an appropriate course of action in your marriage, then why not browse our online counselor directory or contact our office to schedule an appointment? It would be an honor for us to walk with you on this journey.