Marriage Counseling

You’ve probably heard the heart-breaking statistic that says 50% of marriage end in divorce. Actually, only about 20-25% of couples get divorced out of the roughly 60 million marriages in the U.S. today. Common misconceptions like these often set couples up for failure before they even begin.

The good news is marriage success rates have been highly misrepresented.

“You’re telling me that most marriages are successful!?” That’s right! That being said, there are issues that when swept under the rug are proven to lead to divorce. At Bellevue Christian Counseling, we hope to stand between you and divorce by offering accurate information about marriage, tools for overcoming challenges, and healing through Christ.

We believe that God ordained your unity for a purpose, and we hope to help couples find faith-based solutions for building life-long marriages. Whether you are a premarital couple, have only been married a few years, or have struggled with marital problems to the point of breaking, Christian marriage counseling can provide you with much-needed support and guidance.

Does Marriage Counseling Work?

If you’re like many, you probably wonder whether or not marriage counseling works, and you probably hear mixed accounts. For the majority, counseling is very effective. In fact:

Couples who get marriage counseling are happier than 70-80% of those who don’t get counseling!

<img class="wp-image-22473" src="http://seattlecc.wpengine.com/app/uploads/2015/04/Marriage-Satisfaction2-1024×602-500×294.jpg" alt="Most people benefit from marriage counseling. According to a survey taken by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, about 98% report receiving good to excellent therapy. 97% said they got what they needed, and 93% had more effective tools for dealing with marital problems.
Those are great odds alone. Combine that with the added benefit of our holistic, faith-based approach, and you have a real recipe for success! At Bellevue Christian Counseling, we have seen couples through the most desperate of situations and had the honor of helping them find real, lasting change – even for those who were unhappy with marriage counseling in the past.

So do we think Christian marriage counseling works? Absolutely! With a little faith and dedication, you too can transform your marriage into a thriving, Christ-centered union.

Can Christian marriage counseling save your marriage? It very well could. All of our counselors are highly-trained professionals who are committed to helping marriages heal and thrive. Each couple is unique and requires a treatment plan that speaks to their specific needs. Because of this, the approach might differ from couple to couple, but in general, the outcome goals are similar for most.
Christian marriage counseling can help you:

• Discover ways to resolve disagreements in a healthy way.
• Communicate more effectively.
• State your needs openly without fear or anger.
• Process and work through tough issues.
• Develop a better understanding and appreciation for your spouse.
• Set goals for your future together.
• Restore intimacy and trust.
• Find ways to connect spiritually and live out your faith together.

One of the best, most tested methods we like to use is insight-oriented marital therapy, proven to be 97% successful! This method is based on the idea that we can function better and form more fulfilling relationships by first connecting with ourselves. Learning who we are while understanding our own emotions and how we respond to them gives us insight for healing on many levels.

At Bellevue Christian Counseling, we have helped couples of all ages, backgrounds, and troubles find the hope, healing, and guidance they need. No matter is too small or too large for Christ. If you’re struggling, Christian marriage counseling might be just the thing you need.

Nearly 70% of married couples say they are “very happy.”

False ideas and statistics about marriage have led many to form harmful feelings and fears about married life. When you look at credible sources, statistics show that if you’re unhappy in your marriage, you are actually in the minority. If this sounds like you, don’t lose hope. Though most are happy, there are still tons of couples out there who struggle. For you, maybe little hurts have snowballed, or maybe something has happened to threaten the foundation of your marriage. Whatever your case might be, we can help you work through this issues so you can find great meaning and satisfaction in your marriage.

You might be surprised to hear that most are generally happy in their marriage. In fact, one survey for the National Fatherhood Initiative Marriage Survey in 2005 found that nearly 70% were “very happy,” nearly 30% were “happy,” and less that 4% were “not too happy.””

Him vs. Her – Communication in Relationships

One of the most common things we hear from couples is that they feel misunderstood. It’s no wonder why the saying, “men are from Mars and women are from Venus,” is so popular. The differences in how men and women think, what they need, and how they express themselves can easily make you feel like you’re from two different worlds. Problems with communication are what we see the most, and in fact, most issues aren’t what many would call “deal-breakers,” but instead a buildup of misunderstandings, conflict, and hurt feelings.

Christian marriage counseling can help you communicate better by:

• Identifying barriers to effective communication.
• Developing skills for becoming an engaged listener.
• Improving how you transmit and read nonverbal communication signals.
• Managing stress and emotional responses.
• Helping you assert your feelings and needs in a healthy way.

At Bellevue Christian Counseling, we hold for you the hope of God’s vision for your marriage – one of unity, love, and a tool for growth. Sometimes that last part is hard. When going through things like personal and spiritual growth, often inner battles and conflict go in hand with that and eventually lead to a realization that things need to be changed for the betterment of yourself, your marriage, and your Christian walk.

Trust Issues in Marriage – Affairs, Infidelity and Sexual Addiction

Let’s face it. Working through trust issues can be hard, and nearly impossible without professional intervention. On one hand you have the unfaithful spouse who holds a lot of guilt and likely promises, “this will never happen again,” and though they might mean it, the other spouse’s faith in the marriage has been shattered, so no matter how much they might want to believe it won’t happen again, they just can’t seem to get there. Now what? Try to force forgiveness and move on? Many try, and many fail because the underlying issues were never dealt with. You might not even realize what those issues are. This is where Christian counseling is particularly useful.

Christian marriage counseling can help you restore your marriage after a betrayal by helping you work through:

• Processing symptoms of betrayal including flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, lack of sexual desire, depression, and more.
• Underlying issues that lead to things like affairs, pornography addiction, and sex addiction. These kinds of things are almost always caused by deeply rooted issues that can be very hard to resolve without professional help.
• Understanding your many emotions and fears, build better habits, and grow as a couple so you can rebuild trust naturally rather than trying to force it.

After things like infidelity rock the foundation of your marriage, it’s normal to feel hopeless, overwhelmed, and like you will never recover. We’ve seen couples come out of these seemingly impossible situations, not only healed but stronger than ever. God often uses these moments as lessons and tools for growth and even a way to help you connect more fully within your marriage and with Christ.

Godly Marriage – Faith and Spirituality as a Couple

The Surprising Secrets of High Happy Marriages study, Shaunti Feldhahn, 2013.

Are couples who put Christ at the center of their marriage happier? We think so. Studies show that couples who share the same faith and worship together are 35-50 percent less likely to divorce than those who don’t. What does this mean for couples who don’t have that? If issues of faith are causing problems in your marriage, Christian counseling can help you talk these things trough without adding hurt feelings and unnecessary conflict.

Christian counseling can help couples of the same or different beliefs by:

• Helping you discover appreciation for the spiritual needs of your spouse.
• Discovering ways to connect in your unique expressions of spirituality.
• Coming to understanding of decisions regarding faith and children.
• Using your faith to grow as a couple, even if there are differences in beliefs.

Maybe you’re struggling because you’re married to a non-believer. We understand your concern and how that can affect many areas of your life together. At Bellevue Christian Counseling, we offer you support for handling these situations and tools for starting meaningful conversations with your spouse. We also provide support for Christian couples who want help building a stronger, Christ-centered marriage.

Money Matters – Marriage and Finances

If you’ve ever worried about money, you know how stressful that can be – especially for your marriage. This is a very common problem, effecting about 64% of couples “significantly.” If money problems are causing a strain in the security of your relationship, you might need professional help. Often times, these issues can be resolved with help from a financial advisor. But, if your trouble is caused by deep emotional issues that lead to things like gambling, spending money impulsively, or hiding money from your spouse, marriage counseling might be a better solution. Though we can’t offer legal financial advice, we can help you start the conversation towards healing.

Christian marriage counseling can help with money and finances by helping you:

• Deal with financial infidelity by addressing the cause and working to build trust.
• Address behaviors that cause financial hardship such as gambling and shopping addictions.
• Learn to communicate better so you can budget and share financial responsibility.
• Set goals aimed toward building a more financially secure future.

If money worries are taking away from the peace of your marriage, we are here to help you find solutions so you can focus less on the cares of this world and more on the pursuit of righteousness and the kingdom of God as taught by Christ.

Sexual Intimacy – How to Spice up Your Marriage

Marriage problems related to sex and intimacy are very common and can be difficult to handle without help. Though normal to a degree, when these kinds of problems last, or when they cause communication breakdown because of hurt feelings or neglect, then it might be time for marriage counseling. Christian marriage counseling can help you grow, both individually and together, so that you can connect more fully and learn how to work through these sensitive issues.

Sex and intimacy problems Christian marriage counseling can help with include:

• Low sexual desire and frequency disagreements.
• Expectations and health of the high desire partner.
• Sexual performance issue and anxieties.
• Sex addiction.

If your marriage is hurt because of sexual intimacy problems, it’s important to get help because these issues are often a symptom of other issues that can get swept under the rug. Christian marriage counseling offers you a place for uncovering these problems together so you can grow as a couple and build a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

Marriage After Baby – Parenting as a Couple

Having children, especially your first, can be a very exciting and rewarding time. It can also be very stressful and hard on your marriage. Adjusting to the many changes that go in hand with parenthood can quickly leave you feeling overwhelmed and even disconnected from your spouse. You have many new challenges as a couple ranging from parenting ideas and styles, to sharing responsibilities, to making big decisions for your family. To top it all off, you have to balance your careers and making time for one another. It’s normal to struggle during all phases of parenthood, from pregnancy to raising teens. No matter where you are, it’s important to tackle these issues before they snowball into bigger problems. Too late for that? No problem is too big for us to find healing with help from Christ.

In Christian marriage counseling your counselor will help you by:

• Understanding your own parenting style and the things which influence your approach.
• Defining the core values of each partner as it relates to child rearing.
• Identifying areas of conflict and work towards compromise.
• Discussing various parenting responsibilities and how they can be shared fairly.
• Discovering how to better interact with your children to promote the behavior you want, and end behaviors you don’t want.
• Helping you and your spouse maintain a healthy, intimate marriage after children.

Whether you’re expecting, new parents, or have been parents for years, you can run into problems that threaten the health of your marriage and home. If you need help discovering effective ways of parenting as a couple while maintaining a satisfying relationship, Christian marriage counseling can help.

As a child of God, everything – including your hardships – ultimately work in your favor. Though it can be hard to see that when you’re in the middle of it all, at Bellevue Christian Counseling, we are here to hold that hope for you and your marriage while offering a way out the darkness and into the healing light of Christ Jesus.

Insight-Oriented Marital Therapy: A 4-Year Follow-Up Study,” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, Vol. 59 (1), Feb. 1991.

The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce

Why do people get divorced? The number one reason is usually loss of hope. When you feel things will never get better, you might feel that divorce is the only way to escape the pain you feel. The idea of a new start and chance at happiness sounds great, right? There are times when divorce is the best choice, but most of the time couples are less happy after a divorce.

Cutting off an arm is a drastic solution for a broken wrist You might feel that divorce is the only option, even worth some pain. But if you’re here, then there is likely some shred of hope left in you. Let us help you build on that hope and move towards healing.

What will divorce really get you?

• Financial strain – Divorce is expensive in more ways than one. The average cost of divorce in the U.S. is about $15,000! Combine that with split assets and providing for two households, and you’re talking big time financial strain. The cost of divorce is dwarfed by the cost of counseling, but people still use paying for counseling as a reason for not getting help. You can’t put a price on your marriage.
• Negative effects for your children – You’ve probably thought about how divorce would affect your children, but you might try to convince yourself that it is better for them for one reason or another. Divorce is proven to cause children problems with behavior, academic performance, and future relationship issues. Divorce can cause confusion, or a fear that they are somehow responsible. On top of that, they might feel abandoned, scared, and unsure about their future.
• Emotional and physical effects of divorce – When it comes to divorce, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. In fact, divorce causes a much higher risk for severe depression, substance abuse, sleep disorders, and anxiety. Divorced people have 20% more chronic health conditions like strokes, heart disease, weight loss, and even cancer compared to those who stay married.

So you feel hopeless, but divorce doesn’t sound so great either. What now? You do everything you can to save your marriage. At Bellevue Christian Counseling, we are dedicated to helping marriages in crisis find hope, healing, and satisfaction. We’ve helped couples thrive after the most desperate of situations, even for those who have had unsatisfying results from marriage counseling in the past.

A word of encouragement: Did you know that if you’re having trouble in your marriage and stick it out for five years that you have an incredible 80% chance of finding happiness in your marriage?

Those are the kinds of odds we are about at Bellevue Christian Counseling. We believe that marriage is a union ordained by God – one that is designed to help us learn, love, and grow closer to Christ – a bond designed to last for a lifetime.

You don’t have to be unhappy in your marriage. We can help you get your marriage back on track.

If you want to learn more about Christian marriage counseling or schedule your risk-free initial session, give us a call at (425) 939-6856 or contact us online.