Couples Counseling

Christian couples counseling seeks to create a safe space for you and your partner to be vulnerable, find healing, and experience growth in your relationship. Stresses like work, family, and finances can easily lead to conflict in relationships. While conflict is natural and healthy in relationships, unresolved and persistent conflict is a sign that you may need some help.

A Christian couples counselor can help you to navigate the tensions of your conflict, helping you to communicate your feelings and needs to your spouse, and vice versa. By doing so, you can resolve the conflict and move forward in a healthy, mutual relationship.

Since marriage is one of the most important relationships God created, it needs to be taken seriously.The world has slowly diminishedand dismantled the institution of marriage, but the Bible says what “God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6).

Christian couples counseling echoes that sentiment as it stands to strengthen and preserve the marital union. Jesus came to give us life to the full. He did not intend for us to survive marriage, but for it be a deep source of love and commitment to one another. The professional couples counselors at Bellevue Christian Counselingare committed to providing space for your marriage to thrive.

A professionally trained counselor or therapist at Bellevue Christian Counseling can help you break past any unhealthy patterns of communication and address the underlying issues in your relationship. In the counseling room, you will both be given a voice while engaging in a mediated discussionto help you effectively address the problems and move forward with a plan to strengthen your relationship.

Every relationship has its problems. That’s natural. But sometimes if the problems are extreme, persistent, or just generally taking a toll on your relationship, you may need help working through issues.

Deciding whether to enter couples counseling can be a hard decision. It’s easy to put things off and hope for them to get better. But sometimes putting things off can lead to bigger problems. It’s similar to how a small cut, given time, can become infected and become a serious problem.
In Proverbs, Solomon says,“the way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice” (Proverbs 12:15). Sometimes, even though it’s hard to acknowledge you don’t know what to do, admitting you need help and getting advice is the best decision.

Here are some common problems people seek to resolve in Christian couples therapy:

Family tension

One of the most common issues in a relationship is extended family. Becoming your own family and separating out from your parents is biblical (Genesis 2:24) and difficult. If a family is not willing to release their children in marriage, then the relationship will be plagued with difficulty and tension. All families will have to negotiate in-laws, but if your family drama is ever-present and emotionally exhausting, then it is time to see a Christian couples counselor.

Finances

Money is one of the main conflicts in a relationship. Everyone has a different approach to spending and saving. For the most part, couples will work out a rhythm that works for both people. But sometimes couples cannot get on the same page. This will lead to a constant stream of conflicts. While many of these may be small conflicts, they can cause serious damage over time.

Infidelity

A more serious issue that demands the attention of a Christian couples counselor is infidelity. Whether your partner has committed adultery or considered it, the situation will require serious mediation and advice from a trained professional.

Communication problems

This is a common problem that often goes unaddressed. While conflict is normal in a healthy relationship, negative forms of communication are not. It’s normal to disagree on things, but it is not normal to speak down to your spouse or to give them the silent treatment. Negative forms of communication are a serious problem that if left unaddressed can undermine your entire relationship. So even though the situation may not seem very serious, communication problems are a great issue to address in Christian couples counseling.

Sexual Intimacy

While humans are much more than sexual beings, they aren’t less than sexual beings. Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. Conflict about sex is usually representative of deeper issues in a relationship. Don’t overlook this aspect of your relationship. This is a particularly good topic to address in Christian counseling because the topic can be uncomfortable to discuss. A Christian couples counselor will coach you on how to discuss this topic well.

Destructive Behavior or Addiction

If you or your spouse are suffering from an addiction (alcohol, drugs, porn, sex) or destructive behavior (self-harm, explosive anger, physical or verbal abuse, eating disorder), then it is time to meet with a Christian couples counselor for the safety of your relationship.

Christian couples counseling can help you get to the root of the issues in your relationship. Most conflicts are focused on individual instances and behavior. While it is important to address the specifics of a conflict, it is also important to find the source of the problem.

If you only try to resolve the behavior without addressing its source,it’s sort of like trying to get rid of an iceberg by cutting off the top. It may appear to be gone, but if you look under the surface, the problem remains. Meeting with a Christian couples counselor will give you and your partner the space to discover the source of the problem and begin working to resolve the deeper issues.

For example, maybe every time you talk about taking a trip, your husband gets angry. On the surface, the issue appears to be an irrational anger toward traveling. Your choices are either to tell him to not get so upset, or to never talk about travel. Neither of these options will likely reach a satisfying resolution. However, with the help of a Christian couples counselor, you can move below the surface and discover what’s actually bothering him.

In counseling, you may learn that your husband feels insecure because he doesn’t feel like he can keep up with the travel exploits of his friends from college, thereby, making him upset about the idea of a vacation. What appeared to be an anger issuecan actually be rooted in issues like insecurity and lack of confidence. In couples counseling, you can begin to address the real issue of insecurity and become a voice of encouragement for your husband.

There a lot of different methods used in Christian couples counseling, so your counselor will decide what the best option is for you as a couple. Each relationship is different and will require a nuanced treatment and approach. With that being said, there are some general approaches to Christian couples counseling for you to become familiar with.

Common Christian Couples Counseling Approaches

• Gottman Method – In this approach, you will create “love maps” in order to understand your partner’s hopes, fears, stresses, joys, and personal history. The aim of this method is to foster a great intimacy and knowing of one another. Doing so createa sensesafety and intimacy, allowing you to communicate more mutually and freely. This method also focuses on skills and techniques to effectively communicate and manage conflict.

• Crucible Approach Couples Counseling – This remarkable and innovative approach focuses on developing sexual intimacy as a couple. As individuals, you will be given tools to foster personal growth specifically related to problem areas in your relationship. Once these problem areas are identified, then you will work as a couple to find creative solutions to make things last.

• Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) – This approach provides significant changes in very little time. The method sets very substantial, short-term goals. It aims to recognize damaging patterns in communication and your emotional responses. EFT therapythen attempts to break this cycle and replace them with reactions that draw you closer together, rather than farther apart.

• Narrative Therapy – One reason relationship conflicts are difficult to deal with is because they are so personal. Narrative therapy is designed to put distance between your feelings and the conflict. It allows each person to express their experience in narrative form, creating a degree of separation between your feelings and the problems at hand. This space will free you up to express yourself in ways that otherwise might make you uncomfortable or hurt your partner. With the help of your counselor, you will be able to rewrite the negative parts of your narrative and create meaningful solutions moving forward.

• Psychodynamic Approach – The psychodynamic approach focuses on the unconscious problems behind the conflict. Everyone has a past and, in that past, are painful memories. Sometimes those painful memories can be inadvertently affectingyour current circumstances and relationships. By addressing your own past, you can begin to resolve your current harmful behaviors and irrational patterns.

Is Christian couples counseling for me?

At the end of the day, Christian couples counseling is for anyone who believes that their call is to honor their husband or wife.

If you are only a little concerned about your relationship or in desperate place of trying to save your relationship, Christian couples counseling is for you. A trained Christian counselor will help you communicate and focus on what is most important. Taking the health of your relationship seriously is something you will never regret.