If you are planning on getting married, you have probably been courting someone. In your efforts to be diplomatic, you may have avoided a good many awkward and tough questions. Why rock the boat, right? The advantage of having a Christian counselor for premarital counseling is that you don’t have to – he will.
What You Don’t Discuss Comes Back to Blind-Side You
Asking these questions is essential because what you don’t discuss before marriage will definitely blind-side you very soon after getting married. So here are some questions a Christian counselor will probably ask.
Your Expectations of Marriage
1. What are your expectations of marriage? Can you share your expectations of daily married life with each other? How do they differ? Remember that expectations can be planned disappointments. Is your spouse’s free will more important to you than doing everything your way, and, if so, why?
Dealing with Conflict in Marriage
2. What conflicts have you had already, and how did you work things out? What went well? What do you look forward to improving on? Are there unresolved conflicts that remain in limbo at present? What things are you not talking about?
3. How do you resolve conflicts? What has gone awry at its core when conflicts don’t get resolved? What are some basic principles for resolving conflicts?
4. How do you view your marriage vows? What do you see as the key point of your vows? Why are they essential? How committed will you be to them?
Your Marriage and Your Broader Family
5. Can you draw a diagram of your new family in relationship to your families of origin? Will you plan to discuss full disclosure and agreement about your new jurisdictions and lines of communication.
6. If you are bringing children into this new family, or if there are ex-spouses (or even former intimate relationships), how do you and your fiancé view how you relate to them in the light of your new family? Will you plan to discuss full disclosure of what the expected new status is of these current relationships?
The Role of Your Christian Faith in Your Marriage
7. How has your faith in Christ been present in your relationship thus far? Do you go to church together? Do you pray together?
8. What are your hopes and intentions for how your faith in Christ will be present in your new family? Do you envision being assertive in pressing to increase this?
Your Role Models
9. What did you see modeled in your parents’ relationships? What did you admire? What do you expect?
10. What is your model or goal regarding how you will treat your husband or wife in day to day domestic activities?
Dealing with Weaknesses in Marriage
11. How have you confronted your own failures, weaknesses, sins, and selfishness? How have you approached these things in your fiancé? How will you handle failure, weakness, sin, and selfishness, both in yourself and in your spouse?
12. What are some of your foundational communication goals?
12 ½. What are some of your foundational communication skills?
Christian Counseling to Prepare for Marriage
If you would like someone to rock the boat for you, so that you don’t have to do it yourself, discussing premarital counseling with a good Christian counselor would be a very good idea.
“…is About to Cry,” by Geoff Stearns, Flickr CreativeCommons (CC BY 2.0); “Focus on Imaging,” by Barry Zee, (CC BY 2.0) Flickr CreativeCommon; “DSC07143,” courtesy of Patrick Denker, Flickr CreativeCommons (CC BY 2.0)