Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Abandonment Issues and Neglect
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism Spectrum Disorder
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and loss Counseling
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Personal Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • PTSD
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sex And Porn Addiction
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Christian Counseling for Children
        and Teens
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Marriage Counseling
    • Sex And Porn Addiction
  • LocationsChoose from our variety of office locations
    • Bellevue Office FrontBellevue
    • Bothell Office Front EntranceBothell
    • Edmonds Christian CounselingEdmonds
    • Everett Office Front EntranceEverett
    • Federal Way Office FrontFederal Way
    • Hansville
    • Kent 2Kent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • LaceyLacey
    • Mill Creek Office Waiting RoomMill Creek
    • Monroe
    • Oak Harbor Office OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    • Puyallup Christian CounselingPuyallup
    • Redmond OfficeRedmond
    • Seattle Downtown OfficeSeattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake 2Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    • Tacoma Office FrontTacoma
    • Spokane ValleySpokane Valley
    • Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind the best counselor for your needs
  • CareersBecome an affiliated Christian counselor
  • (425) 939-6856Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

7 Causes of Resentment in Marriage

Bellevue Christian Counseling
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/7-causes-of-resentment-in-marriage-3.jpg 1920 1080
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/bellevue.jpg
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/cropped-cropped-seattle-logo.png
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
Photo of Angela Yoon

Angela Yoon

Jan
2024
17

7 Causes of Resentment in Marriage

Angela Yoon

Couples CounselingInfidelity and AffairsMarriage CounselingRelationship Issues

Most couples get married with the hope of a, “happily ever after” etched deeply in their hearts and minds. In the early days of marriage, husbands and wives proclaim undying love for each other, telling each other how they couldn’t imagine living a life without the other.

7 Causes of Resentment in Marriage 1Passion, romance, affection, and sharing of hopes and dreams are probably the most common and expected characteristics of the early stages of marriage. It is in these early stages that most people experience the cliched marital bliss and unfortunately, it is also in these same years that the tone is set for whether a marriage will survive the inevitable ups and downs common in marriages.

The early years of marriage, particularly the first year, often come with a lot of changes and adjustments as couples settle into their new roles as husbands or wives. Conflict management, shared financial responsibilities, different beliefs on certain topics, and division of chores around the home are some of the issues newly married couples must navigate.

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

Marriage requires a lot of give-and-take and sometimes spouses give up certain parts of themselves to accommodate their new lives for real or perceived reasons. All this is done in the hope of making their relationship as smooth as possible.

It is also at this point – when people start living together as husband and wife – that they tend to discover not only the true nature of the person they married but a new version of themselves that must share a home and a life with another person. Often, it is these discoveries, compromises, and adjustments that make the early days of marriage the most difficult stage of the relationship for many.

What causes resentment in marriage?

The Cambridge Dictionary defines resentment as “a feeling of anger because you have been forced to accept something that you do not like.” In the context of marriage, this means a spouse feeling angry or offended by the actions of their spouse without necessarily bringing it up. Often, resentment is not typically borne out of a single action but a series of them that cause a buildup of anger and frustration.

7 Causes of Resentment in Marriage 3Resentment is often described as a disease in marriage because of its nature, if it is not addressed correctly and immediately, it may lead to the death of a marriage. But how do couples move from declaring undying love for each other to feeling resentful and bitter? We will list some of the common causes of resentment in marriages below.

Failure to accommodate differences

We mentioned above that the early days of marriage involve adjustments and accommodation of differences that you and your spouse may have. These differences may range from small to large.

For example, one may be a morning person while the spouse is the exact opposite. Someone may like to see everything put in its right place at all times while the other just throws things wherever is handy.

Over time, one may start to feel that the differences are intolerable and too much to accommodate and might fail to adjust accordingly. Instead of bringing up the issue with their partner, they decide to remain silent while fuming inside.

Unmet expectations

When people get married, they have certain expectations of what it means to be loved which goes beyond just being told the words, “I love you.” This is the origin of the idea of different love languages. Usually one expresses love to their spouse in a way that they expect to be shown love. When their spouse does not reciprocate one may feel as though their partner does not love them, fostering resentment.

Poor communication and conflict resolution strategies

Poor communication often leads to conflict and if the conflict is not resolved properly the same issue may keep coming up repeatedly until either or both parties get fed up with having to confront the same issue and seeing little or no change. This might lead to resentment.

When one spouse feels they are doing more

Division of household chores or financial or parenting responsibilities can be the perfect breeding ground for resentment. This might happen when one spouse feels as though they are bearing more of the burden than their partner and this becomes worse when one feels their efforts often go unappreciated.

7 Causes of Resentment in Marriage 2When one spouse feels they gave up more

This happens for example when one spouse must give up their job to be the full-time stay-at-home parent with the children or when they must move to a different state or country for their partner’s job. If one feels as though such a sacrifice is unappreciated, they may start to feel as though their dreams and ambitions are not important to their spouse, leading to feelings of resentment.

Limited physical intimacy

All things being equal, a normal healthy marriage must have both emotional and physical intimacy. Where for some reason or the other, a spouse withholds or limits physical intimacy in marriage, this may lead to one partner feeling frustrated, rejected, and even angry.

Not making time for each other

Life does get busy due to work and other day-to-day commitments. However, where one spouse seemingly makes time for everything and everyone else but their spouse, it may cause some serious problems.

With the invention of social media, some spouses would rather spend time scrolling up and down social media pages instead of dedicating some of that time to their spouse and this often leads to feelings of resentment.

Can a marriage survive resentment?

Whether a marriage can survive resentment largely depends on how deep and how long the causes of resentment have been present. If the issue or issues have been going on for a long time, then like an untreated disease, this may require more rigorous treatment lest it lead to the death of the marriage.

7 Causes of Resentment in MarriageThe key solution to the issue of resentment in marriage is to have open communication where spouses can bring up issues for discussion respectfully to address issues as they arise and not wait until they have piled up. Let your spouse know if you are unhappy about something.

If both of you are willing to make the relationship work, things like unmet expectations, feeling unappreciated, feeling as though you are doing more, not making time for each other, and physical intimacy are all topics that you and your spouse can have open discussions about to try and find solutions.

The thing with resentment is that sometimes, your spouse may not even be aware of how you feel about an issue or a situation. If someone is not aware of how you feel, their every move may seem deliberately aimed at frustrating, hurting, or angering you, which may not be the case.

There is a saying which says, “A problem shared is a problem halved” so consider talking to your spouse about how you feel and once you bring the issue up, you may be able to work things out as a couple.

Where the problem is too far gone, couples may by themselves struggle to find solutions. Seek the help of third parties such as marriage counselors, pastors, and older and trusted couples who may all help you and your spouse find your way back to each other again. Whether or not this will work depends on whether both parties want to make the relationship work.

Talk to a professional

Dealing with resentment can be a daunting task, especially where it has been festering for long periods. If you are dealing with resentment in your marriage and you feel like you have exhausted all the solutions at your disposal and you don’t know where else to turn, reach out to us and we will get you the help you need.

Photos:
“Comfort”, Courtesy of Nathan Dumlao, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Reaching Out”, Courtesy of Youssef Naddam, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Desert Road”, Courtesy of WantTo Create, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Mountain Stream”, Courtesy of Mohammad Rahmani, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE

The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact one of our counselors for further information.

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top
Photo of Angela Yoon
Schedule with Angela
  • Appointment Info

  • Your Info

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Angela Yoon

Licensed Mental Health Counselor Associate
(206) 388-3929 angelay@seattlechristiancounseling.com

Therapy offers a unique opportunity for you to engage with your story, to explore with curiosity and kindness, to be seen and heard, and to heal and grow. I approach our work together by inviting a trustworthy, professional collaboration to explore your relationship with yourself, with others, and with the stories that have shaped who you are today. We were created to flourish in our relationships but so often relational experiences feel disconnected, confusing, and messy. With God’s help through the context of Christian counseling, you can experience wholeness, recovery, and lasting hope. Read more articles by Angela »

Other articles that might interest you...

Couples Counseling: Creating a Marriage that Thrives 1
Photo of Melinda Burns

Melinda Burns

Couples Counseling: Creating a Marriage ...

Imagine that you are an artist, and your marriage is the canvas. If you want to create a piece of...

continue reading »
Reversing the Stigma of Couples Counseling
Bellevue Christian Counseling

Reversing the Stigma of Couples ...

Counseling as a professional practice developed in the Western world in the 1800s. However, asking for guidance and advice from...

continue reading »
3 Surprising Benefits of Couples Counseling
Bellevue Christian Counseling

3 Surprising Benefits of Couples ...

Many are the motivations for seeking counseling, but for a couple seeking counseling this usually means that they have tried...

continue reading »

About Angela

Photo of Angela Yoon

Angela Yoon, MA, LMHCA, MHP

Licensed Mental Health Counselor Associate

Therapy offers a unique opportunity for you to engage with your story, to explore with curiosity and kindness, to be seen and heard, and to heal and grow. I approach our work together by inviting a trustworthy, professional collaboration to explore your relationship with yourself, with others, and with the stories that have shaped who you are today. We were created to flourish in our relationships but so often relational experiences feel disconnected, confusing, and messy. With God’s help through the context of Christian counseling, you can experience wholeness, recovery, and lasting hope. View Angela's Profile

Recent articles by Angela

  • Jan 17 · 7 Causes of Resentment in Marriage
  • Dec 19 · Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Treatment Options
  • Dec 15 · How to Stop Worrying Through Self-Talk
See all articles by Angela »

Related Services

  • Couples Counseling
  • Infidelity and Affairs
  • Marriage Counseling
  • Relationship Issues

Angela's Office Locations

  • Photo of the Edmonds office

    Edmonds

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (206) 620-1404
    316 Main Street Edmonds, WA 98020

    View Office Details
  • Photo of the Bothell office

    Bothell

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (425) 939-7959
    10116 Main Street, Suite 204 Bothell, WA 98011

    View Office Details
  • Photo of the Online (WA only) office

    Online (WA only)

    General Office Number

    (206) 388-3929
    ,  

    View Office Details
Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo
Bellevue Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors experienced in helping people of all ages find healing for a wide variety of issues.
© 2025 Bellevue Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
330 112th Ave NE,, Bellevue, WA 98004. Tel (425) 939-6856.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
We are open for business. In person and online counseling are available now.