Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Abandonment Issues and Neglect
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism Spectrum Disorder
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and loss Counseling
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Personal Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • PTSD
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sex And Porn Addiction
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Christian Counseling for Children
        and Teens
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Marriage Counseling
    • Sex And Porn Addiction
  • LocationsChoose from our variety of office locations
    • Anacortes 1Anacortes
    • Bellevue
    • Bothell 8Bothell
    • Bellevue Christian Counseling 1Edmonds
    • Everett 8Everett
    • Federal Way
    • Kent 2Kent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • Lacey Christian CounselingLacey
    •  1Mill Creek
    •  1Monroe
    • Oak Harbor Office OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    •  1Puyallup
    • Redmond 3Redmond
    • Seattle Ballard 6Seattle Ballard
    •  1Seattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake 10Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    • Tacoma 6Tacoma
    •  1Spokane
    • Spokane ValleySpokane Valley
    • Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind the best counselor for your needs
  • CareersBecome an affiliated Christian counselor
  • (425) 939-6856Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

Can Christian Couples Watch Porn Together? A Counselor’s Perspective

Bellevue Christian Counseling
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/can-christian-couples-watch-porn-together-a-counselors-perspective.jpg 500 269
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/bellevue.jpg
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/cropped-cropped-seattle-logo.png
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
Bellevue Christian Counseling
May
2012
28

Can Christian Couples Watch Porn Together? A Counselor’s Perspective

Christian Counselor Seattle

Couples CounselingMarriage Counseling

I want to begin by addressing the question, “How do you define pornography?” I would apply a strict view of the definition, to include any content that seeks to exploit human sexuality for purposes of entertainment, pleasure, or profit. I recognize not all individuals hold such a definitive view. However, I believe this stance is important for it reinforces the worldview that every human life, and the sexuality inherent within that life, is sacred and never meant to be devalued, abused, or exploited.

The Challenge of Defining ‘Pornography’

The necessity of clearly defining what pornography is becomes apparent when you consider that within our American culture you can easily identify multiple forms of pornographic-like content, which have not been given the label “pornographic.”

Consider films containing nudity, scenes of sexual intercourse, or sexual innuendo. Although the degree of explicit content may differ from currently recognized forms of pornography, the exploitation of human sexuality for purposes of entertainment and profit is still present.

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

It is clear that within our American culture, we have yet to fully wrestle with distinctions between entertainment and exploitation. Couples who consider viewing pornography should understand such distinctions, and the ramifications set forth hereafter.

Can Christian Couples Watch Porn Together? A Counselor’s Perspective 1

 How Porn Addiction Affects the Mind

One of the most powerful arguments against a couple viewing pornographic material, is the impact pornography has on the human mind.

  • Dr. William Struthers (2009) writes, “Pornography and our response to it alter our brain in a way that is difficult to undo.”  He further states, “Because we are embodied beings, the impact of viewing pornography hijacks the normal functioning of the brain and the maladaptive patterns we adopt have profound psychological and behavioral effects. It affects not only how we form memories and make attachments but also how we understand sexuality and how we view each other (Struthers, 2011).”
  • Gordon Bruin (2008) also describes on the impact of pornography on the mind, noting the process of pornography addiction beginning with experimentation and ending with continued use despite negative consequences. He explains how the mind adapts, needing increased dosages of pornography as use continues over time.
  • Hilton and Watts (2011) report how “all addictions create, in addition to chemical changes in the brain, anatomical and pathological changes which result in various manifestations of cerebral dysfunction,” such as damage to the “braking system” of the brain.” They further highlight specific studies which “conclude that a sexual compulsion can cause physical, anatomic change in the brain, the hallmark of brain addiction.”

Statements like these highlight the significant cognitive downsides for any individual or couple who decide to engage in use of pornography.

How Pornography Can Affect Your Relationship

There are varied opinions as to whether a couple viewing pornography together can serve to enhance their sexual relationship. My clinical experience providing therapy for dating and married couples has driven me to the conclusion that couples who view pornography greatly damage their sexual relationship and their overall relational bond. These couples directly report the emotional and relational trauma suffered as a result of such use. That such damage exists and can be lasting is undeniable.

Couples who use pornography to enhance their sex life should recognize they make themselves vulnerable to:

  • Needing more of it down the line to be sexually stimulated.
  • Having to face the insecurities which may develop in one or both members around sexual performance or body image.
  • The emotional symptoms of guilt and shame which often accompany use of pornography.
  • Decreased sexual attraction to their partner.

On this last point, Staley and Prause (2012) state, “Viewing visually sexual stimuli may compromise idealistic perceptions of a romantic partner’s physical appearance or the adequacy of the couple’s sexual behaviors. This could reduce satisfaction with both the partner and the relationship.” Clearly, this is no small effect.

Viewing pornography together can also severely damage the overall emotional trust and security in the relationship:

  • If one member continues to use after the other has refused to further view pornography. This is a legitimate possibility considering pornography’s addictive qualities.
  • If either member’s use is deemed as a betrayal of the marriage and sexual bond.
  • If insecurities arise around whether one’s partner is focused on having sex with them or the pornographic images in their mind.

No healthy couple ever wants to face these negative elements in their relationship, and they are very difficult to overcome.

Learn More through Christian Marriage Counseling

If you are really interested in spicing up your sex life, learn to develop the emotional security in your relationship, whereby you can freely address the desires or concerns you have regarding sex, and make changes accordingly. Couples counseling  can be a powerful resource to help you with this process, and with the overall aim of cultivating deep intimacy in your relationship and sex life.

At Seattle Christian Counseling, we know that each marriage is unique and we will tailor our couple’s therapy to your relationship. Drawing on insight from the Bible and from proven therapeutic techniques, we can help you learn how to meaningfully express your passion for your spouse, both in sex and beyond.

 

References
–
Struthers, W. M. (2009). Wired for Intimacy: How pornography hijacks the male brain. Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity Press. 
– Struthers, W. M. (2011). The effects of porn on the male brain. Christian Research Journal,34, 5.
– Hilton, D.L., & Watts, C. (2011). Pornography addiction: A neuroscience perspective. Surgical Neurology International, 2, 19.
– Bruin, G.S. (2008). Innergold treatment manual: Understanding and treating pornography / sexual addiction. Pleasant Grove, UT: Innergold Counseling Services, Inc.
– Staley, C., & Prause, N. (2012). Erotica Viewing Effects on Intimate Relationships and Self/Partner Evaluations. Archives of sexual behavior, 1-10.


Photos
Adam Selwood (Caution Watch Your Step), License: Creative Commons

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top

Other articles that might interest you...

A Christian Counselor’s Perspective on Christian Counseling
Photo of Erik Mildes

Erik Mildes

A Christian Counselor’s Perspective ...

People often ask me what “Christian counseling” means and what does it looks like. Many clients wonder if it means...

continue reading »
Growing in Community: A Christian Counselor’s Perspective, Part 1
Photo of Barney Armstrong

Barney Armstrong

Growing in Community: A Christian ...

By Barney Armstrong, MA, LMHCA, Bellevue Christian Counseling What is life supposed to be like? We carry on with the...

continue reading »
A Christian Counselor’s Perspective on the Dangers of Pornography
Photo of Chris Chandler

Chris Chandler

A Christian Counselor’s Perspective ...

By Chris Chandler, MA, LMHC, CSAT-C , Seattle Christian Counseling, PLLC References “Wired for Intimacy” by William M. Struthers, Ph....

continue reading »

Related Services

  • Couples Counseling
  • Marriage Counseling

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo
Bellevue Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors experienced in helping people of all ages find healing for a wide variety of issues.
© 2023 Bellevue Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
330 112th Ave NE,, Bellevue, WA 98004. Tel (425) 939-6856.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
COVID-19 Service Update: We are still open for business. In office and online counseling is available if needed.