Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Abandonment Issues and Neglect
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism Spectrum Disorder
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and loss Counseling
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Personal Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • PTSD
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sex And Porn Addiction
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Christian Counseling for Children
        and Teens
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Marriage Counseling
    • Sex And Porn Addiction
  • LocationsChoose from our variety of office locations
    • Anacortes 1Anacortes
    • Bellevue
    • Bothell 8Bothell
    • Bellevue Christian Counseling 1Edmonds
    • Everett 8Everett
    • Federal Way
    • Kent 2Kent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • Lacey Christian CounselingLacey
    •  1Mill Creek
    •  1Monroe
    • Oak Harbor Office OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    •  1Puyallup
    • Redmond 3Redmond
    • Seattle Ballard 6Seattle Ballard
    •  1Seattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake 10Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    • Tacoma 6Tacoma
    •  1Spokane
    • Spokane ValleySpokane Valley
    • Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind the best counselor for your needs
  • CareersBecome an affiliated Christian counselor
  • (425) 939-6856Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

How to Build Trust by Being Vulnerable and Honest

Bellevue Christian Counseling
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/how-to-build-trust-by-being-vulnerable-and-honest-4.jpg 300 216
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/bellevue.jpg
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/cropped-cropped-seattle-logo.png
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
Bellevue Christian Counseling
Dec
2015
22

How to Build Trust by Being Vulnerable and Honest

Larry Mark

Marriage CounselingRelationship Issues

Part 2 of a 2-Part Series
Why is Honesty Important in a Relationship

Honesty builds trust. Likewise, keeping our word, or living what we say, also builds trust, and trust is the foundation for intimacy in relationships. Lies, deception, and hiding hinders trust and intimacy in relationships. When there is brokenness in a relationship, this is often the result of broken promises. Honestly acknowledging that we broke our word, and contributed to breaking the relationship, is the first step to repairing the brokenness, or being reconciled to the other. In my previous article, I outlined why honesty is so important in our relationships. In this second article in a two-part series, I introduce the following ways of practicing honesty, which promote healthy relationships.

1)  Honesty Means Owning What is Yours in a Relationship

Healthy relationships require that we own what is ours. Taking responsibility for my own choices, motivations, tone, intent, and impact is essential for the healing or growth of any relationship. This requires honesty. Once I am aware of the impact of my own words, silence, actions, and inactions, being honest means naming the specific ways in which I have hurt you. Honesty also includes acknowledging my own wounds, flaws, sins, projections, issues, and hurtful tendencies. It means admitting that, “This is my problem.” Honesty is taking responsibility for my responses, reactions, feelings, and needs. It is best conveyed by using “I statements,” such as, “This is how I feel; this is what I need; this is what I’ve done,” rather than blaming and using “You statements.”

Honesty is both spoken and demonstrated, such as when we practice timeouts in order to de-escalate when angry. Physically removing oneself from a situation and disengaging, not to cut off or punish, but rather to cool down, gather one’s thoughts, clarify one’s needs, and subsequently re-engage, can help us to understand, be understood, and resolve hurts. This is a way of being honest about one’s needs, and at the same time demonstrating a willingness to stay connected and solve problems. Even when there is not a breach in a relationship, this offers an opportunity to experience more depth, and the honest sharing of struggles and weaknesses can invite sharing in kind. Owning what is our own can open the way for healing and deeper connections.

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

2)  Honesty in Relationships Requires Concrete Action

Empathizing with the hurt that we have caused, and taking concrete actions to change, are vital steps toward reconciliation. In Romans 12:9a, we read that love must be sincere. There are few better demonstrations of sincerity than expressing a willingness to learn how I have negatively impacted another. When I invite feedback, or urge the other to “Tell me more,” acknowledging the impact of my actions and taking concrete steps to change, including enlisting the help of others, then my love is sincere. An honest desire to reconcile is demonstrated by reflecting back to the other in tone and words that I “get you,” without seeking to justify or explain myself. An honest attempt at reconciliation is seen in the specific ways in which I have sought to repair the relationship and prevent future damage to it, no longer justifying hurtful ways, but seeking help and support as I follow through on my intention to repent.

3)   Acceptance, Honor, and Respect are Crucial to Honest Relationships

Honesty in our relationships means that we accept, honor, and respect. Romans 15:7 enjoins Christ’s followers to accept one another. Romans 12:10 exhorts them to honor one another above themselves. To accept involves honest recognition. It is to embrace what is, irrespective of the other’s personality, temperament, abilities, and limitations. To accept is not to tolerate sin, but it does not use another’s sin as a reason for withholding love. To honor is to honestly choose to recognize the good in another. To respect is to treat the other person with decency, acknowledging the dignity due to all people because they are all made in the image of God. It does not mean turning an eye from sin, but it may involve removing the log from our own eyes before we offer to help another with the speck in theirs. To respect is to restore those who have sinned with gentleness, or to share one’s convictions with regard for the other’s dignity. Accepting, honoring, and respecting are honest attempts to love as Jesus loves.

Christian Counseling as an Aid to Honest Relationships

Honesty in relationships is essential in order for trust is to be established and maintained. Honesty is essential for intimacy in relationships. It is necessary if peace is to be made when brokenness has occurred. Honesty is needed for restoring what once was and moving beyond hurts. Christian counseling can support and reinforce honesty in relationships, especially in fostering a setting where self-confrontation is encouraged and valued. Christian counseling also provides structure to a process in which truth can be discovered, told, and addressed, and in which it can become the basis of our freedom. If we are willing to know the truth about ourselves, and the truth about Jesus, and choose His ways, then He promises to set us free (John 8:31-32).

Photos:
“Close Talkers,” courtesy of Charels Nadeau, Flickr CreativeCommons (CC BY 2.0); “Folkestone Beach . . .” courtesy of Gareth Williams, Flickr CreativeCommons (CC BY 2.0); “Couple on a Bus,” courtesy of ainlondon, morguefile.com

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top

Other articles that might interest you...

spacer

spacer

Dealing with Issues of Trust in Relationships
Bellevue Christian Counseling

Dealing with Issues of Trust in ...

Trust Fall Okay everyone, find a partner. We’re going to do the trust fall. Now, one of you turn your back...

continue reading »

Related Services

  • Marriage Counseling
  • Relationship Issues

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo
Bellevue Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors experienced in helping people of all ages find healing for a wide variety of issues.
© 2023 Bellevue Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
330 112th Ave NE,, Bellevue, WA 98004. Tel (425) 939-6856.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
COVID-19 Service Update: We are still open for business. In office and online counseling is available if needed.