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Marital First Aid – Christian Marriage Counseling

Bellevue Christian Counseling
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330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
Photo of Erik Mildes

Erik Mildes

May
2015
08

Marital First Aid – Christian Marriage Counseling

Erik Mildes

Marriage CounselingRelationship Issues

http://goo.gl/rvoXJK, "Sex in the Suburbs," courtesy of Stephen Burton, Creationswap.comWhen people ask me about the Christian marriage counseling that I offer couples in my practice, they want to know what works. The truth is that Christian marriage counseling, perhaps more so than individual counseling, needs to work. Of course, all therapy needs to work and needs to be of the same high quality and caliber, but there is nevertheless a difference with marriage counseling. Important as it may be to have highly qualified counseling, the reality is that, aside from a crisis situation, individual counseling has time on its side. By this I mean that in individual counseling the client is an individual person. And people generally tend to live long and relatively stable lives.

Marriage is a Fragile Relationship

Ever since about the third grade (and sometimes before) relationships are experienced as tenuous, mercurial things. One moment there is interest, then you are dating exclusively, and a short time later you have broken up again. And all this has occurred before the recess, without you even talking to each other. This pattern continues forcefully, even after the third grade. As adults, we fall in and out of love. We enter into life-long relationships, only to be told that the “life-long” part is really a 50/50 proposition. In an age of convenience, contracts, pre-nups, and permissive attitudes towards idolizing personal happiness, the brand value of commitment has taken a beating. Add to this the plethora of solicitations for our exclusive marital affections to “diversify,” and it is no wonder that relationships can be downright fragile.

Marriages in Trouble Need Immediate Help

http://www.creationswap.com/media/3035In Christian marriage counseling it is precisely the relationship that requires care. Despite all its benefits, an unfortunate reality of our “can do” individualistic culture is that we take too long to ask for help. This applies to men asking for directions and it also applies to people seeking counseling. As a result, by the time a couple or a marriage reaches our door as therapists, they are frequently already in an advanced stage of distress. Short cuts have probably been attempted, patience has frayed, and an absolutely wonderful couple finds themselves at their wits’ end and more lost than ever. Unlike the situation in individual counseling, this is not the time to engage in a relaxed journey of soul searching, with a helpful and affirming guide to gently redirect your missteps. One of the worst things a novice marriage counselor can do is to take on an affirming and supportive role, as they might do in individual counseling. While this can be wonderfully validating in individual counseling, it can end up producing an imbalance in marriage counseling. A marriage counselor who “joins” with one spouse at the expense of the other risks alienating the other spouse, who is likely to feel that the counselor has taken sides. Quite apart from the balancing issues, asking a helplessly lost and distressed couple to stop and smell the emotional roses is foolish. You may as well ask a patient suffering a life-threatening heart attack, “How does that make you feel?” When a marriage is bleeding out onto the table, introspective pondering can take a backseat for the moment because that marriage needs immediate help.

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Marital First Aid Tools

This is why one of the things that I have incorporated into my Christian marriage counseling practice is a sort of “go-to bag” of marital first aid tools. A marriage in distress can almost always benefit from helpful tools in the areas of:

  • Communication
  • Conflict Resolution
  • Affection (increasing the subjective sense of closeness and love)
  • Reconciliation

http://www.creationswap.com/media/1759If you come in for Christian marriage counseling, this is exactly the kind of help you can receive right away – and by this I mean, day one, first session, right away. We won’t spend a small eternity on paperwork. Nor will I blithely listen while your spouse bad mouths you, nodding my head while agreeing about how awful you are. Instead, we will get right to work, determining your goals and the nature of your challenges, and finding improvements and changes that will yield immediate results. These will be the kind of changes that you can put into practice immediately, either in the session or immediately thereafter, in order to generate some life and hope in your marriage.

This is what I mean by marital first aid.

Christian Counseling for Marriages in Distress

As a Christian counselor, I am aware that this will not fundamentally change everything that needs to be changed. There will still potentially be hours of therapy and some soul searching required. But I will provide you with a lifeline to enable you to climb out of the pit with together, so that you can remember that you are in this together.

I love marriage. I love the oneness that God has designed for a husband and a wife. If you feel your marriage is lost in the wilderness, whether a lot or a little, it would be my honor to help you get back on track fast.

 

Photos
All from Creationswap.com: “Sex in the Suburbs,” courtesy of Stephen Burton; “Sun through the trees,” courtesy of Brandon Johnson; “bw-62.jpg,” courtesy of todd white

 

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Erik is currently not accepting new clients

Erik Mildes

Licensed Counselor and Clinical Supervisor
(425) 939-9934 erik@seattlechristiancounseling.com

I believe in the healing, transformative promises of Christ. I also believe in His patience, and have had the privilege of seeing God’s grace work miracles in the lives of my clients. As a Master’s level Mental Health Counselor, I’m honored to act as a vessel for the Lord, one that will help you discover healing and growth. I help people recover from issues like abuse, depression, anxiety, broken relationships, spiritual concerns, and more. Whatever you’re going through, I offer you support, experience, and hope for a new, Christ-filled future. Read more articles by Erik »

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About Erik

Photo of Erik Mildes

Erik Mildes, MA, LMHC

Licensed Counselor and Clinical Supervisor

I believe in the healing, transformative promises of Christ. I also believe in His patience, and have had the privilege of seeing God’s grace work miracles in the lives of my clients. As a Master’s level Mental Health Counselor, I’m honored to act as a vessel for the Lord, one that will help you discover healing and growth. I help people recover from issues like abuse, depression, anxiety, broken relationships, spiritual concerns, and more. Whatever you’re going through, I offer you support, experience, and hope for a new, Christ-filled future. View Erik's Profile

Recent articles by Erik

  • May 12 · Keeping Your Marriage from Being a Casualty of Porn Addiction
  • Sep 1 · Social Anxiety and the Need to Belong
  • Jun 13 · Understanding Depression
See all articles by Erik »

Related Services

  • Marriage Counseling
  • Relationship Issues

Erik's Office Locations

  • Photo of the Bothell office

    Bothell

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (425) 939-7959
    10116 Main St,, Suite 204 Bothell, WA 98011

    View Office Details

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