Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Abandonment Issues and Neglect
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism Spectrum Disorder
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and loss Counseling
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Personal Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • PTSD
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sex And Porn Addiction
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Christian Counseling for Children
        and Teens
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Marriage Counseling
    • Sex And Porn Addiction
  • LocationsChoose from our variety of office locations
    • Bellevue Office FrontBellevue
    • Bothell Office Front EntranceBothell
    • Edmonds Christian CounselingEdmonds
    • Everett Office Front EntranceEverett
    • Federal Way Office FrontFederal Way
    • Hansville
    • Kent 2Kent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • LaceyLacey
    • Mill Creek Office Waiting RoomMill Creek
    • Monroe
    • Oak Harbor Office OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    • Puyallup Christian CounselingPuyallup
    • Redmond OfficeRedmond
    • Seattle Downtown OfficeSeattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake 2Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    • Tacoma Office FrontTacoma
    • Spokane ValleySpokane Valley
    • Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind the best counselor for your needs
  • CareersBecome an affiliated Christian counselor
  • (425) 939-6856Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

What is Premarital Counseling? Speed Bumps Before Potholes

Bellevue Christian Counseling
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/what-is-premarital-counseling-speed-bumps-before-potholes-2.jpg 300 204
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/bellevue.jpg
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/cropped-cropped-seattle-logo.png
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
Bellevue Christian Counseling
Jan
2016
26

What is Premarital Counseling? Speed Bumps Before Potholes

Christian Counselor Seattle

Premarital CounselingRelationship Issues

The lead-up to a couple’s wedding typically centers on the myriad of wedding and honeymoon details, and less on fine-tuning and clarifying their relationship. But unless the couple are relationally prepared and equipped towards long-term success, that beautiful entry into marriage can become the starting point of a slide towards disillusionment and bitterness.

Of course, caught up in the excitement of their relationship and their dreams for the future, every couple believes that their love can last, and that they are different from the unhappy married couples they know. Premarital counseling sessions can add more certainty to their hope, and solidity to their dreams. In this article, I answer the basic question that many couples face: “What is premarital counseling?”

How Does Premarital Counseling Work?

In premarital counseling, a couple meets with a counselor or pastor and covers a prepared list of topics about marriage. In discussions about their backgrounds and their story of how they met, what attracted then to each other, and how they decided to marry, the counselor begins discussions on the major areas that need attention prior to marriage. The topics to cover should include their ideas and attitudes towards money, having children, decision making, how to settle differences, and faith practices. At the top of the list should be the expectations that each has about marriage. Other topics that should be covered are their personality and outlook differences, and how they plan to handle each other’s families.

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

Expectations for Marriage

Why should a couple that is experiencing the complete positive anticipation of their life together, and are temporarily blinded to the more mundane aspects of their realities, even discuss their expectations? Because their first serious fights will probably be about their assumed expectations. And because they may never have verbalized the general topic of expectations before this, and discussing it may reveal surprising and disturbing differences.

Take the simple matter of weekend activities—which may not be so simple. Prior to the wedding, Jack assumes that every Saturday in football season will be spent at a game, in person; if not at physically at the stadium, he expects to be watching it with friends, and of course, with Jill. After all, that is what they did on most weekends while they dated. Meanwhile, Jill just knows that it will be so satisfying to work together on the house on their weekends off and has a lot of projects planned. What do you think will be the tone of their Saturdays after four Saturday disasters? It is better to know these expectations now, and to slow down to navigate this speedbump rather than to be jarred by a pothole later on.

Smoothing the Road Ahead

A couple in love may not be able to verbalize their differences well, but they do know that they are different and have different outlooks on life. But what are those differences, and how well do they really know each other? A person’s general emotional habits don’t change after marriage, and our partners cannot change us. But it is surprisingly how many newlyweds and almost-weds assume that their love can change the other person.

Would it not be helpful to know more about your own personality, what makes you tick, how you get energized, and how you resolve interpersonal issues and internal struggles? In Jack and Jill’s sessions, Jill discovered that she was more independent and confident with new situations than Jack was, while Jack learned that he had innovative strengths that had not been previously recognized. The online assessment given to Jack and Jill by their counselor revealed that Jack’s moodiness was more pervasive then either partner had realized. The counselor recommended that Jack deal with some of the clearly unresolved issues in his family of origin. For the first time Jack realized how his inability to regulate his emotions in tough situations was impacting and could impact his life partner, and create problems and stresses later on.

The Gift of Marriage Insurance – Christian Premarital Counseling

If you are considering marriage and have asked yourself, “What is premarital counseling?” you should probably take this further.  As a Christian counselor who is passionate about working with premarital couples, I would love to hear from you. Alternatively, you may like to gift this “marriage insurance” to a couple you know.

Photos
“Felix and Irene,” courtesy of Jeremy, Flickr CreativeCommons (CC BY 2.0); “Engaged,” courtesy of John Castillo, Flickr CreativeCommons (CC BY 2.0); “Couple Contemplating a Future,” courtesy of Madalinlonut, pixabay.com, CC0 Public Domain

 

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE

The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact one of our counselors for further information.

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top

Other articles that might interest you...

spacer

spacer

spacer

Related Services

  • Premarital Counseling
  • Relationship Issues
Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo
Bellevue Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors experienced in helping people of all ages find healing for a wide variety of issues.
© 2025 Bellevue Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
330 112th Ave NE,, Bellevue, WA 98004. Tel (425) 939-6856.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
We are open for business. In person and online counseling are available now.