Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Abandonment Issues and Neglect
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism Spectrum Disorder
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and loss Counseling
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Personal Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • PTSD
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sex And Porn Addiction
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Christian Counseling for Children
        and Teens
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Marriage Counseling
    • Sex And Porn Addiction
  • LocationsChoose from our variety of office locations
    • Anacortes 1Anacortes
    • Bellevue
    • Bothell 8Bothell
    • Bellevue Christian Counseling 1Edmonds
    • Everett 8Everett
    • Federal Way
    • Kent 2Kent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • Lacey Christian CounselingLacey
    •  1Mill Creek
    •  1Monroe
    • Oak Harbor Office OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    •  1Puyallup
    • Redmond 3Redmond
    • Seattle Ballard 6Seattle Ballard
    •  1Seattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake 10Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    • Tacoma 6Tacoma
    •  1Spokane
    • Spokane ValleySpokane Valley
    • Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind the best counselor for your needs
  • CareersBecome an affiliated Christian counselor
  • (425) 939-6856Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

Christian Counselor’s Perspective: Why You Have a Right to Your Feelings

Bellevue Christian Counseling
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/christian-counselors-perspective-why-you-have-a-right-to-your-feelings-5.jpg 2048 1365
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/bellevue.jpg
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/cropped-cropped-seattle-logo.png
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
Photo of Chris Chandler

Chris Chandler

Jun
2014
23

Christian Counselor’s Perspective: Why You Have a Right to Your Feelings

Chris Chandler

AnxietyCounseling for TeensDepression

By Chris Chandler, MA, LMHC, CSAT-C, Seattle Christian Counseling

References “The New Codependency” by Melody Beattie and “How We love” by Milan and Kay Yerkovich

 

Addicts often become acquainted with the source of their addiction because they were looking for a “pick-me-up.” They felt sad or stressed or angry, and they did not want to feel that way anymore. Rather than confront their emotions, they would get rid of them. But, like taking a pain killer when you’ve broken your leg, just because you feel better doesn’t mean you are healed.

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

Why is repression unhealthy?

HappyBottling up your feelings does not mean you have rid yourself of them. You only put them inside a bottle. They have nowhere to go. The hurt is still there; you have just trained yourself not to feel it. This is why people who repress painful emotions often have difficulty feeling pleasant emotions like enthusiasm or affection.

Many repressed people react to this numbness by assuming it is a personality trait. In their book, “How We Love” authors Milan and Kay Yerkovich argue that it’s not. They use the example of babies. Once they get some age on them, babies emote non-stop. They are either giggling or staring in awe or crying. It is not normal for people not to feel. Someone or something must condition them into numbness.

 

Why do people ignore their feelings?

People who struggle to acknowledge how they feel usually grew up in homes that discouraged displaying unpleasant emotions such as anger or sadness. They may have been told to go to their room until they could find a smile. They may have been told crying was weak or merely a plea for attention. “Ironically, although the goal of many Christian families in America is to become more like Jesus, the tendency is to suppress the natural expression of emotion. Despite His example, we tell our sons–directly and indirectly–that they shouldn’t have or show emotions and don’t need anyone when they are suffering.” (Yerkovich 65)

As a Christian counselor  I see that sometimes they repress their emotions as a response to their surroundings. Admitting an abusive environment can be painful, so they don’t. They refuse to feel the pain their parents cause them because they do not want to accept that their loved ones will not take care of them.

You have a right to your feelings

God gave us feelings. This means, when used in a healthy way, they must be good for us. “Maybe tears seem like a waste of time because you don’t associate sadness with the need for comfort and relief. Anger causes a lot of tension in our bodies, and usually there is hurt some kind of underneath. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel that hurt or cry, there is no release for that tension.” (Yerkovich 67)

Feelings do not just crop up out of nowhere. Something has to trigger them. An inconsiderate statement. Being taken for granted. Remember– you have the right to feel hurt when someone has done something hurtful. Ignoring how you feel may make the hurt go away, but it replaces that pain with numbness. Also, it is likely the person who hurt you will continue to do so because you do not tell them otherwise.

Jesus expressed his feelings. Even though he knew he would raise Lazarus from the dead, he still wept at the site of his friend’s grave. His anxiety over his impending suffering and death was such that he sweated blood. He was not one to ignore what he felt. Jesus set an example for us of expressing ourselves in ways that help us communicate and relieve our pain. (65)

How to express your feelings

Some DevilishRe-conditioning yourself to feel is difficult. You are so used to ignoring the pain that you might not even understand what you are experiencing. For particularly staunch repressives, it can be like when a hearing-impaired person gets a cochlear implant and is able to hear for the first time. They are so overwhelmed by different sounds that it can take a while to sort them out. The Yerkovichs recommend consulting a list of words that describe emotions (stunned, lonely, angry) to help identify how you feel.

Getting in touch with a professional Christian counselor can make it easier. They can help you figure out why you repress your feelings. A professional Christian counselor will compassionately, but firmly, prod you in the direction of accepting the vulnerability required to express your emotions. They will use therapeutic techniques supported by biblical principles to help you use the feelings God gave you.

Photos
Images from Flickr Creative Commons: “Sad Couple2” Courtesy of louiscrusoe (CC BY-SA 2.0); “Some Devilish” courtesy of Bryan Rosengrant (CC BY-ND 2.0); “Happy” Courtesy of Jenny Kristina Nilsson (CC BY-ND 2.0)

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top
Photo of Chris Chandler
Schedule with Chris
  • Appointment Info

  • Your Info

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Chris Chandler

Licensed Counselor and Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist
(425) 533-0007 chrisc@bellevuechristiancounseling.com

Have you ever struggled with doubt, failure, or addiction? I have, and I know that redemption is possible through Christ. My hope for you is to find healing and wholeness. I’m honored to use my experiences and faith to help you reclaim and fortify your life though faith-based counseling. Whatever you’ve been through, I offer you a safe and understanding place where you can find your path to freedom. Together, we can discover lasting and positive change though the love, mercy, and grace of Christ. Read more articles by Chris »

Other articles that might interest you...

A Christian Counselor’s Perspective on Christian Counseling
Photo of Erik Mildes

Erik Mildes

A Christian Counselor’s Perspective ...

People often ask me what “Christian counseling” means and what does it looks like. Many clients wonder if it means...

continue reading »
Growing in Community: A Christian Counselor’s Perspective, Part 1
Photo of Barney Armstrong

Barney Armstrong

Growing in Community: A Christian ...

By Barney Armstrong, MA, LMHCA, Bellevue Christian Counseling What is life supposed to be like? We carry on with the...

continue reading »
A Christian Counselor’s Perspective on Emotional Infidelity
Bellevue Christian Counseling

A Christian Counselor’s Perspective ...

Technology has become both a blessing and a curse in contemporary society. We are far more connected than previous generations...

continue reading »

About Chris

Photo of Chris Chandler

Chris Chandler, MA, LMHC, CSAT

Licensed Counselor and Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist

Have you ever struggled with doubt, failure, or addiction? I have, and I know that redemption is possible through Christ. My hope for you is to find healing and wholeness. I’m honored to use my experiences and faith to help you reclaim and fortify your life though faith-based counseling. Whatever you’ve been through, I offer you a safe and understanding place where you can find your path to freedom. Together, we can discover lasting and positive change though the love, mercy, and grace of Christ. View Chris's Profile

Recent articles by Chris

  • Dec 23 · Stronger Self-Esteem Through Vulnerability
  • Dec 22 · Replacing Shame with Authenticity
  • Nov 25 · Letting Go of Fear
See all articles by Chris »

Related Services

  • Anxiety
  • Counseling for Teens
  • Depression

Chris's Office Locations

  • Photo of the Online (WA only) office

    Online (WA only)

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (206) 388-3929
    444 Northeast Ravenna Boulevard Seattle, WA 98115

    View Office Details

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo
Bellevue Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors experienced in helping people of all ages find healing for a wide variety of issues.
© 2023 Bellevue Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
330 112th Ave NE,, Bellevue, WA 98004. Tel (425) 939-6856.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
COVID-19 Service Update: We are still open for business. In office and online counseling is available if needed.