How Influential is Birth Order on Your Child’s Personality?

Do you have a childhood memory of declaring to your parents that their actions or decisions were not fair and that they were showing preferential treatment to everyone except you? If you have siblings then there is no doubt that their names would have made that list, likely linked to their birth order.

While your parents, and perhaps now you in your role as a parent, no doubt try your best to be fair and equally loving to your children, research tells us that your birth order influences your behavior. Yes, if a child was born first, or last; landed somewhere in between, or was the only one, this influences their behavior.

Experts suggest that a significant factor behind this is that children are treated differently by their parents because of the order of their birth. Because of the order in which you were born into your family, your position in relation to your siblings will also be unique, which then impacts the development of your character.

How to notice birth order personality traits

Simply by being a first child, the oldest sibling will naturally be raised with a mixture of instinct and trial-and-error. This often causes parents to become by-the-book caregivers who are extremely attentive, stringent with rules, and may come across as anxious to get all the little things into place. Experts suggest that this parenting style may cause the child to become someone who believes that if they try to be perfect, that this will please their parents.

Firstborns’ birth order advantage

It is a characteristic that firstborns will work hard to earn and maintain the attention of their parents. Research shows that they tend to be diligent and have a desire to be excellent at whatever they take part in. Studies show that those born first are often reliable, structured, cautious, controlling, and conscientious.

Experts expect that since firstborns are accustomed to being the center of attention and receive that solid time investment by both parents in patient reading and explanations, this directs them toward achieving more than others. Those born first also often have a higher IQ and receive better education than their siblings.

Typical firstborn challenges

The heightened fear of failure that firstborn children often have means that their accomplishments do not satisfy them. Typically, with a type A personality, they do not give themselves a break and look to take fewer risks. This results in the eldest sibling sticking to a tried-and-true path, resisting change, and experiencing life inside their area of comfort.

Parent’s willingness to give the eldest sibling more home-life responsibility while they are growing up means that they can be quick to take charge and do so in an abrasive and bossy manner. By being made to help with tasks around the house or babysitting they can also feel stress, especially when they are trying never to make mistakes.

Obviously, personality traits that are influenced by birth order are not set in stone and a younger child may have a personality more suited to the eldest one, and the other way around. This is because each child is a whole person, and we are all unique. While considering birth order to assist you in relating to your child, never forget their personal individuality.

Middle children’s traits due to birth order

The second child is far less likely to be raised with the iron fist they showed their firstborn. Added to this they may be less attentive due to other children in the home. These are the primary reasons that experts cite that children born in the middle are more often people-pleasers as they feel their older and younger siblings receive more affirming attention.

A silent question middle children often ask themselves is that if they are not the oldest or the youngest, then who are they in the family? Not being completely confident of their pecking order means they often rely on their peers for their attention needs, and when it comes to blame, they become used to playing off their other siblings.

Using the same generalized sense as the previous list, experts suggest that middle children most often have these personality traits due to their birth order: People-pleasing, thriving on friendships, enjoying a wide social circle, and being a peacemaker.

Strengths of middle children

Being able to adapt and adjust to other people is a lesson learned by the middle child after the baby of the family arrives home. Having to negotiate and compromise to fit in with other family members means they become more agreeable.

This helps them form strong friendship bonds, which they need because they perceive their parents as giving them less attention than their brothers or sisters. Research shows that middle children are normally the first children of the family to go on a trip with friends of the family, or to sleep over at a friend’s home.

Challenges faced by middle children

Sometimes from an early age, and often when the new baby takes their place as the baby of the family, these children are keenly aware that they simply do not get as much of their parents’ attention. Feeling as if their parents’ attention is divided between the older, responsible, and hardworking sibling, or the baby of the family means that middle children sometimes feel like their expressed needs and desires are ignored

Research has shown that parents do not invest the same level of cognitive support in their later-born children as their first-born child, and do not drive nearly as hard on what is seen as non-essential parenting support.

Personality traits of the youngest

It is no mystery why the youngest of the family seems to be the most free-spirited. It is because their parents have an ever more relaxed attitude toward their children as each child is born. This is why the last child often loves to have fun and is outgoing, but can also be manipulative, attention-seeking, and self-centered.

Strengths of the youngest in the birth order of the family

Sometimes because of their parents’ need to divide their time between the other siblings, the youngest finds and grows their own way to win attention. This is sometimes helped by their ability to be a natural charmer; think of their outgoing personality. In fact, there are a surprising number of well-known movie stars and theater performers who are the youngest children in their families.

By being agreeable with a sense of adventure these young people are seen as free-spirited and more accepting of the risks involved in unusual experiences or putting their bodies on the line in the name of fun.

Challenges faced by youngest children

Unfortunately, many last-born children feel that nothing that they do is important. They often feel like they have been beaten to the punch by their older siblings who have already accomplished successes associated with their age and stage such as learning to walk, talk, read, or ride a bike. Despite themselves, parents often wonder why their last born does not pick up skills from their siblings more quickly, instead of celebrating their victories alongside them.

Because the baby of the family is the least likely to be disciplined, they are more accustomed to getting what they want, the way they want, when they want. And when this does not happen, they use manipulation. It does not help if mom and dad do not insist on the same strict standards they set for their other children.

What about only children?

The personality traits of an only child are often a result of having a complete monopoly of their parents’ attention and resources. Firstborn children benefit from these for a short time. But because only children have them forever, they are often like a leveled-up firstborn.

But with all their parents’ support comes all their parents’ expectations too, and so these children are often diligent, conscientious, perfectionist leaders who are mature for their age.

Looking for help to better understand birth order

If you are looking to better understand birth order, then why not browse our online counselor directory or contact our office to schedule an appointment? It would be an honor for us to walk with you on this journey.