Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Abandonment Issues and Neglect
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism Spectrum Disorder
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and loss Counseling
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Personal Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • PTSD
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sex And Porn Addiction
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Christian Counseling for Children
        and Teens
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Marriage Counseling
    • Sex And Porn Addiction
  • LocationsChoose from our variety of office locations
    • Anacortes 1Anacortes
    • Bellevue
    • Bothell 8Bothell
    • Bellevue Christian Counseling 1Edmonds
    • Everett 8Everett
    • Federal Way
    • Kent 2Kent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • Lacey Christian CounselingLacey
    •  1Mill Creek
    •  1Monroe
    • Oak Harbor Office OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    •  1Puyallup
    • Redmond 3Redmond
    • Seattle Ballard 6Seattle Ballard
    •  1Seattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake 10Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    • Tacoma 6Tacoma
    •  1Spokane
    • Spokane ValleySpokane Valley
    • Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind the best counselor for your needs
  • CareersBecome an affiliated Christian counselor
  • (425) 939-6856Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

Part 1 – Women: Why Don’t I Want Sex?

Bellevue Christian Counseling
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/part-1-women-why-dont-i-want-sex-4.jpg 400 266
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/bellevue.jpg
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/cropped-cropped-seattle-logo.png
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
Photo of Benjamin Deu

Benjamin Deu

Jun
2013
04

Part 1 – Women: Why Don’t I Want Sex?

Benjamin Deu

Marriage Counseling

By Benjamin Deu, MA, LMHC, Seattle Christian Counseling

References Dr. Ruth Morehouse in “Why You Don’t Want To Have Sex” from Oprah Magazine July-August 2010 and “Passionate Marriage” by Dr. David Schnarch

This is the first article in a two-part series about reasons older women experience low sexual desire. You can find the second article here.

For many women, it can seem as if the demands never stop. They leave the stress of work’s deadlines and paperwork, for home’s laundry piles and dirty diapers. And then their husband actually expects them to feel like having sex?

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

Who is he kidding?

Dr. Ruth Morehouse, clinical psychologist and sex therapist, did an interview with O, The Oprah Magazine about four reasons more mature women struggle with sexual desire. Accompanying the bullet points is information from her husband’s book Passionate Marriage building on Morehouse’s statements and offering suggestions about how to address them.

Balancing Sex and Stress

  • Turning away from sex may be a way for women with children to reclaim their bodies as their own. Women start to view sex as one more thing they have to do for someone else. Women feel stretched so thin that saying no to sex gives them some sense of control over their lives.

It says a lot about you and your spouse’s sexual relationship if you view sex as something you do for them, rather than something both of you share. Schnarch writes about the tension in relationships between the low desire partner and the high desire partner. This means that one spouse will always want sex more than the other. The frequency is split about 50-50 between the genders.

If you are the low desire partner, you may find yourself not wanting sex because your high desire husband initiates so often. Ask him to give you a break. Or, schedule a romantic evening in or a weekend getaway. Scheduling sex can feel unromantic when you’ve been socialized to link romance and spontaneity. But arranging a time for intimacy doesn’t reduce it to all the whimsy of a dentist appointment. You schedule vacations and birthday parties, but that does not make them any less fun, does it? Scheduling sex means you can plan it when you are least likely to be interrupted by work responsibilities or your children, making it more likely to be enjoyable.

Making Sex a Priority

  • People say their relationships are their priorities, but they don’t act that way. Women need to see sex as a way to connect with themselves and their partners, rather than as something they’re doing for someone else. Focus on the possibilities of sex, and how great it can feel.

It is easy to let immediate problems, such as an ailing parent, push marriage hiccups to the backburner. Unfortunately, this means they are often allowed to worsen until they are too serious to be ignored anymore, making them that much more difficult to solve. “Clearly, emotional issues have a direct physiological impact on sexual functioning. Generally, the more unresolved issues that intrude during sex, the further away you are from your sexual potential, because these issues limit your sexual preferences and pleasure: you can relax, focus, and enhance the physical stimulation you’re receiving only when it fits your dynamics.” (86)

Christian Counseling for Sexless Marriages

In Genesis 2:24, the Lord says it is his plan for people to supersede the importance of their birth families for the new union they create with their spouse. It is an awful challenge to become “one flesh” with someone when you put that relationship behind everything else. They will provide a safe, mature environment for discussing the intimate difficulties in your marriage.

Photos:

Christian-marriage-counseling Freedigitalphotos.net Ambro.jpg
How-to-fix-sexual-dysfunction Freedigitalphotos.net nuchylee

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top
Photo of Benjamin Deu
Benjamin is currently not accepting new clients

Benjamin Deu

Licensed Counselor and Clinical Supervisor
(425) 533-0137 benjamin@seattlechristiancounseling.com

You were created in the image of God for the purpose of bringing Him glory. Perhaps you are currently in a season in which you do not feel that you are bringing glory to God. Maybe you are even questioning whether you were made in His image. Many people reach a point in their lives when they feel stuck. They want to move forward, but they feel powerless and don’t know where to turn. Using biblical principles, warmth, and patience, I will work with you to seek lasting, positive change that will help you reflect God’s image and bring Him glory. Read more articles by Benjamin »

Other articles that might interest you...

spacer
Bellevue Christian Counseling

Why Children’s Counseling?

As you decorate a child’s room with art at their eye level, age appropriate toys, and child sized furniture, so...

continue reading »
spacer

How To Talk About Sex With Your Spouse
Photo of Benjamin Deu

Benjamin Deu

How To Talk About Sex With Your Spouse

By Benjamin Deu, MA, LMHC, Seattle Christian Counseling References “A Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds” Dr. Douglas Rosenau Being forthright...

continue reading »

About Benjamin

Photo of Benjamin Deu

Benjamin Deu, MA, LMHC

Licensed Counselor and Clinical Supervisor

You were created in the image of God for the purpose of bringing Him glory. Perhaps you are currently in a season in which you do not feel that you are bringing glory to God. Maybe you are even questioning whether you were made in His image. Many people reach a point in their lives when they feel stuck. They want to move forward, but they feel powerless and don’t know where to turn. Using biblical principles, warmth, and patience, I will work with you to seek lasting, positive change that will help you reflect God’s image and bring Him glory. View Benjamin's Profile

Recent articles by Benjamin

  • May 12 · When Sex Gets Boring, Is It Over? Christian Counselor’s approach to Sexual Boredom
  • May 12 · 10 Great Sex Tips for Married Couples
  • Feb 17 · Serial Monogamy: What’s the Big Deal?
See all articles by Benjamin »

Related Services

  • Marriage Counseling

Benjamin's Office Locations

  • Photo of the Bothell office

    Bothell

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (425) 939-7959
    10116 Main St,, Suite 204 Bothell, WA 98011

    View Office Details

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo
Bellevue Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors experienced in helping people of all ages find healing for a wide variety of issues.
© 2023 Bellevue Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
330 112th Ave NE,, Bellevue, WA 98004. Tel (425) 939-6856.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
COVID-19 Service Update: We are still open for business. In office and online counseling is available if needed.