Powerful Responses to Gaslighting in Relationships

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that messes with your mind and emotions, making you second guess your reality. It can make you question your memories, beliefs, and even your sanity.

A skilled gaslighter has an interesting and sophisticated set of techniques to draw from. The gas lighter might deny facts, even though the victim is confident of the truth. They might twist the truth just enough that it retains its form but also paints themselves in a more positive light. A gaslighter might blame the victim and use emotional manipulation to gain control, in turn making the victim feel guilty for something they never did.

The unfortunate outcome is that guilt is not the only downside. The victim of gaslighting is often left feeling confused about reality and insecure in their memories and abilities. This doubt can lead to insecurity and can invalidate their perceptions of reality.

Gaslighting can occur in any relationship from a romantic partner or friend to a boss or even a family member. The good news is that though gaslighting can leave you feeling anxious, insecure, and unsure of your worth, you don’t have to stay in that dark and lonely place. There are ways to push back and reclaim your sense of self and your sanity.

Trust yourself and God

Do you know that feeling deep in your gut that gnaws at you when something feels off? Don’t dismiss that feeling. Trust that your instincts are waving a red flag for a reason. As Christians, we know that at times, that still small voice that seems to be warning us of potential danger just might be the Holy Spirit. Lean not only on your warning system but on God Himself to alert you to potentially toxic relationships and interactions.

Growing closer to God will help you feel more confident and discerning. This closer relationship with God is also an effective way to challenge the other person’s negativity. Through biblical affirmations, you can fill your mind and heart with truths to combat the lies you are told through gaslighting.

Create a list of Scriptures that relate to your experience. Recite these affirmations daily to help combat the negative message from your gas lighter. Speaking God’s truth to yourself about your situation can help bring clarity and change, even in your darkest moments.

Gaslighting can chip away at your sense of self, but re-establishing your identity can signal to the other person that you are not going to be a victim anymore. In addition to working on your relationship with Christ, you can revisit the life you had before you were the victim of gaslighting.

Think back to a time when you felt happiest by re-engaging in activities that you used to enjoy. This might include creative outlets like art, writing, poetry, dance, or music. These creative endeavors can provide you with a constructive and safe way to work through your emotions.

Keep records

In a court of law, documentation can make all the difference in a verdict. Approach your relationship with a gaslighter with the same tactics and vigilance you would if you were trying to prove your innocence in a court of law.

Document your thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a journal. Document specific incidents where you felt you were a victim of gaslighting, noting dates and times. Include quotes from your abuser and your reactions. It’s also helpful to outline the setting, any witnesses present, and actions that led to the incident.

This documentation will help to serve as a reminder of the truth and can help you reclaim your reality. Store your journal in a secure place, out of the hands of your gaslighter.

Maintaining records might also serve as proof of repetitive abuse, should you have the opportunity to confront the other person. Often, gaslighting follows a predictable pattern. It might start small, with subtle manipulations, but will gradually escalate. By identifying a pattern early, you can take steps to remove yourself from the situation before it becomes even more toxic.

In addition, save any concrete evidence you can of your gas lighter’s behavior. Evidence might include saved voicemails or emails. It might also include recordings of conversations that illustrate manipulation tactics that have been used against you. You might also include receipts, your credit card statements, or photos, if applicable. Having tangible evidence can help remind you of reality and that you are not misremembering or imagining things.

Set boundaries with consequences

Setting firm boundaries is another key element in breaking free from gas lighters. Let the other person know what behaviors you won’t tolerate such as dismissing or diminishing your feelings or constantly twisting the truth. By defining what is and isn’t acceptable in your relationship, you will diminish their power. In turn, you will amplify your own. Clearly and concisely state that you will no longer tolerate certain behaviors or words.

Practice saying what you feel clearly and confidently. When you express yourself with calm assertiveness, it becomes much harder for the gaslighter to twist your words or invalidate your experience.

Be firm and consistent in maintaining the boundaries you have set. Role-playing is an effective way to help yourself feel more prepared and confident in real-life situations. Develop a script for assertively confronting your gaslighter and practice responses to their denials to help yourself stay calm in real-world interactions.

Once you have set your boundaries and clearly stated them, be prepared to enforce them with consequences, especially if your boundaries are repeatedly violated. Consequences might include taking a break from the relationship, blocking them on social media, or any appropriate action that would signal to them that their actions have affected your willingness to connect with them.

Protect yourself

In some cases, it might be necessary to limit or cut off contact with the gaslighter altogether, especially if their behavior is detrimental to your mental, emotional, or physical health. Identify and set specific boundaries regarding communication and interaction, such as only responding to essential messages or setting designated times for necessary discussions.

If you are able, consider blocking your abuser out of your social media accounts to help minimize exposure to their influence. Create a distance, whether that is figurative or physical, between you and your abuser. This can give you the space you need to heal and regain your sense of self without the constant influence of manipulation.

Another way to protect yourself from gaslighting is to prioritize your self-care. The stronger you are, the less likely it is that you will succumb to any lies or manipulation. Gaslighting strips away your confidence and can leave you feeling like a broken shell of your former self.

However, you can nurture your emotional and mental well-being through self-care to regain pieces of your life. Eat healthy meals, engage in regular physical activity, and pursue activities that you enjoy. Slowly, you will see the impact and you will feel empowered.

Seek help from a professional

If you’re struggling with the emotional toll of gaslighting, consider talking with a professional Christian therapist. A trained mental health professional can help you strategically work through the confusion and help you develop strategies for coping with gaslighting behavior. This process will help you build your confidence and help you make sense of what you have experienced.

Gaslighting may be subtle, but it can leave deep emotional scars that can erode your self-worth and leave you feeling profoundly confused. Trust God, yourself, and a professional therapist to help you through your darkest hour. If the gaslighting has escalated to emotional or physical abuse, it’s crucial to prioritize your safety immediately. Reach out to a domestic violence hotline or a local support organization for help.

Start your journey today by contacting our office. We have therapists that are eager to help you. An appointment can be made right away to begin your journey toward healing.