This article is the second in a two-part series that documents one man’s struggle with sexual addiction, the effect this had on his marriage, and how he and his wife were able to find healing with the help of Christian counseling. In the true story recounted in the previous article, we saw how Josh’s sexual addiction had its roots in his childhood and how it became a guilty secret that followed him into his adult life. Despite Christian conviction, willpower and having confessed his problem to his wife Rosie, Josh felt powerless to resist the temptation to view pornography and had come to the brink of despair.
By the time Josh had begun to doubt that he would ever get over his pornography addiction, Rosie found herself becoming increasingly desperate. She started searching for answers to the questions she had in her mind. She read a book about women who are affected by their husband’s compulsive sexual behavior, and began to search for recovery groups in their area for people who struggled with this issue. A few weeks later Rosie was devastated for a second time when she caught her husband searching for sexual encounters online. She confronted Josh, this time with an ultimatum. With their newborn baby in her arms, she was exasperated and simply asked him, “Why do you live here?” Rosie says that she had reached her limit and no longer cared about his response. She demanded that Josh find a recovery group and a Christian therapist specializing in counseling for sexual addiction, threatening to leave him if he did not comply.
The Healing Journey
Josh chose his family. He began working through a Twelve-Step recovery program and started to see a Christian counselor. He began the hard, courageous work of healing and recovery.
Rosie also immersed herself in her own healing journey. She went to a separate support group for spouses, and attended Christian counseling on her own. “I knew that we were in this together. The counseling and the support group helped me to realize that we were not alone.” As a result of these activities, both Josh and Rosie found that they were able to hope again.
More than two years of consistent hard work on their individual healing and recovery helped Josh and Rosie to understanding the complexity of sexual addiction. Josh uncovered the wounds of childhood, female rejection, the loss of emotional expression, and the myriad facets that go into what many therapists consider an “intimacy disorder.” And he also had to painfully re-evaluate his own expectations of marriage. Rosie worked through the roots of her own childhood, sorted through the grief and anger in her marriage and eventually came to a point where she was able to forgive.
A Renewed PurposeWith their renewed direction and sense of purpose, both Josh and Rosie have now come full circle. Instead of being on the receiving end of help, they are now giving help. They are sharing their story in order to provide hope for other couples who may be in the same situation. Their goal is to give other couples hope. They want others to know that hope comes from a living and compassionate God who continues to walk with them through their journey of redemption. They believe that this journey of recovery and redemption is open to anyone who is willing to take the first step and to seek help.
You are Not Alone in Your Sexual Struggles
If you are one of the people who is struggling with sexual behavior, it is very important to know that you are not alone. You are just one of the rare individuals who actually has the courage to be honest about it and to look for help. There is hope for you and change is possible.
Christian Counseling Can Help You to Overcome Sexual Addiction
The Christian counseling process is about redemption and the restoration of the soul. It is grounded in the belief in a personal, living God and involves experiencing the abundant life that Jesus came to offer us. Nothing is more exciting to me than watching this become a reality in the lives of those I work with. Change is possible, even if you if you do not feel able to acknowledge that at present. With the help of a good Christian counselor, you (and your spouse) can begin to begin to find the solutions that you are seeking.
Note: names have been change to ensure the anonymity of the people involved.
Hopeless.jpg courtesy of morguefile.com; DSCN6836.JPG courtesy of morguefile.com