Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Abandonment Issues and Neglect
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism Spectrum Disorder
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and loss Counseling
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Personal Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • PTSD
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sex And Porn Addiction
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Christian Counseling for Children
        and Teens
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Marriage Counseling
    • Sex And Porn Addiction
  • LocationsChoose from our variety of office locations
    • Anacortes 1Anacortes
    • Bellevue
    • Bothell 8Bothell
    • Bellevue Christian Counseling 1Edmonds
    • Everett 8Everett
    • Federal Way
    • Kent 2Kent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • Lacey Christian CounselingLacey
    •  1Mill Creek
    •  1Monroe
    • Oak Harbor Office OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    •  1Puyallup
    • Redmond 3Redmond
    • Seattle Ballard 6Seattle Ballard
    •  1Seattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake 10Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    • Tacoma 6Tacoma
    •  1Spokane
    • Spokane ValleySpokane Valley
    • Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind the best counselor for your needs
  • CareersBecome an affiliated Christian counselor
  • (425) 939-6856Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

To Grudge or Not to Grudge: A Christian Counselor on Forgiveness, Part 2

Bellevue Christian Counseling
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/to-grudge-or-not-to-grudge-a-christian-counselor-on-forgiveness-part-2-2.jpg 300 300
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/bellevue.jpg
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/cropped-cropped-seattle-logo.png
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
Bellevue Christian Counseling
Jul
2014
08

To Grudge or Not to Grudge: A Christian Counselor on Forgiveness, Part 2

Justin Monuteaux

AnxietyDepressionMarriage CounselingSexual Abuse

Stressed BusinesswomanThis is the second article in a two-part series on the topic of forgiveness. In part one, I discussed what forgiveness is–and what it is not. In part two, I will discuss some of the potential barriers to forgiveness as well as a few of the results of withholding forgiveness.

As I said in part one, we have all been hurt by the actions or words of other people in our lives. Whether parents, coworkers, siblings, spouses, friends or relatives–everyone we come into contact with has the potential to harm us, and many of them have. Many times this hurt can result in deep emotional wounds that create persistent feelings of anger, resentment, and bitterness. So, how do we get over such feelings? How do we keep ourselves from dwelling on these wounds for years to come?

As I said in part one, we have all been hurt by the actions or words of other people in our lives. Whether parents, coworkers, siblings, spouses, friends or relatives–everyone we come into contact with has the potential to harm us, and many of them have. Many times this hurt can result in deep emotional wounds that create persistent feelings of anger, resentment, and bitterness. So, how do we get over such feelings? How do we keep ourselves from dwelling on these wounds for years to come?

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

Barriers to Forgiveness

Woman with Arms in the Air

  • Failing to Understand What Forgiveness Is
    For many of us, the biggest barrier to extending forgiveness to another person is the simple fact that we don’t fully understand what forgiveness is. For example, if we think that extending forgiveness means that we have to just move on and forget what happened to us, then forgiveness may feel utterly impossible. If extending forgiveness makes us feel that the other person has “got away with” the harm they inflicted on us, that will probably devalue our pain and make forgiveness more difficult. An accurate understanding of forgiveness is essential in order to be able to extend forgiveness.
  • Being in Denial About Our Need to Forgive
    Sometimes, the pain we experience inside can feel just too deep and too strong for us to face. We may feel that it makes more sense to bury it, move on, and leave it all in the past. Why bring up all those old bones, right? The problem is that this approach to our pain can leave our true feelings blocked and locked up inside us. It is far healthier to connect with those feelings and walk through the process of grieving what we have lost. We cannot fully move beyond our pain until we have faced it, felt it, and processed it. Only then can we actually make a choice to extend forgiveness. If we are in denial about our pain, we cannot forgive.
  • Being Afraid to Forgive
    The decision to forgive requires great courage. The forgiver often feels that they have to find answers to some big questions. What is this potential decision to forgive going to cost me? Can I handle the cost? Will my decision to forgive require me to enter into a potentially painful confrontation with the one who has caused my pain? Will I feel guilty later for deciding to forgive? Do I have to ignore my own boundaries and expose myself to further harm? Questions like this–although they reveal a lack of understanding of true forgiveness–can be truly scary to face. When forgiveness feels like too much to handle, it will likely be held back. A good counselor can help you to unpack all of these issues so that you can make the best decision for your situation.

 

The Consequences of Failing to Forgive

Image 3
  • Withholding Forgiveness Causes Stress
    There is a fair amount of research that suggests that there are physical consequences associated with the decision to withhold forgiveness. These can include impaired immune functioning, increased blood pressure, digestive disturbances, decreased sleep and an increase in overall perceived stress. Clearly, forgiveness is as much a gift to the giver as it is to the recipient.
  • Not Forgiving Leads to Self-Inflicted Harm
    When we choose to hold back forgiveness, we expose ourselves to the human tendency to mentally and emotionally relive the harm that has been done to us. We tend to ruminate on the pain, revisiting, and replaying the painful incidents over and over again in our minds. This is a form of self-inflicted re-injury. We don’t have to live with that kind of pain and inner chaos and forgiveness is the way out. 
  • Failing to Forgive Damages Our Other Relationships
    This is something I have seen on display in my counseling office many times. Those who refuse to forgive others will frequently be unable to engage authentically within other relationships. The bitterness and resentment bleeds into other contexts in their lives. They are not able to risk being hurt again, so they live at a safe distance from others. They cut themselves off emotionally from other loved ones–not just the party who harmed them. Forgiving those who have harmed us frees us up to live in true community, with life-giving vulnerability in our other relationships.

 

Christian Counseling Can Help in the Struggle to Forgive

Are you struggling to forgive someone in your life? The Christian counseling process is all about forgiveness, redemption, and the restoration of the soul. It is grounded in the belief in a personal, living God and enables us to experience the abundant life that Jesus came to offer us. Nothing is more exciting to me than watching this abundant life become a reality in the lives of those I work with. You may not feel able to believe that change is possible right now, and that’s OK. But with the help of a good Christian counselor, you (and your spouse) can begin to find the solutions you are seeking.

Photos
Images are courtesy of http://office.microsoft.com:  Barrier.JPG, Stressed Woman.JPG and Freedom.JPG

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top

Other articles that might interest you...

To Grudge or Not to Grudge: A Christian Counselor on Forgiveness, Part 1
Bellevue Christian Counseling

To Grudge or Not to Grudge: A Christian ...

This is the first part of a two-part article on the topic of forgiveness. In part one, I discuss what...

continue reading »
spacer

Why Can’t I Just Let it Go? A Christian Counselor on Forgiveness
Photo of Barney Armstrong

Barney Armstrong

Why Can’t I Just Let it Go? A ...

By Barney Armstrong, MA, LMHC, Bellevue Christian Counseling   The benefits of forgiving have long been acknowledged, to the point where...

continue reading »

Related Services

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Marriage Counseling
  • Sexual Abuse

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo
Bellevue Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors experienced in helping people of all ages find healing for a wide variety of issues.
© 2023 Bellevue Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
330 112th Ave NE,, Bellevue, WA 98004. Tel (425) 939-6856.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
COVID-19 Service Update: We are still open for business. In office and online counseling is available if needed.