Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Abandonment Issues and Neglect
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism Spectrum Disorder
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and loss Counseling
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Personal Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • PTSD
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sex And Porn Addiction
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Christian Counseling for Children
        and Teens
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Marriage Counseling
    • Sex And Porn Addiction
  • LocationsChoose from our variety of office locations
    • Bellevue Office FrontBellevue
    • Bothell Office Front EntranceBothell
    • Edmonds Christian CounselingEdmonds
    • Everett Office Front EntranceEverett
    • Federal Way Office FrontFederal Way
    • Hansville
    • Kent 2Kent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • LaceyLacey
    • Mill Creek Office Waiting RoomMill Creek
    • Monroe
    • Oak Harbor Office OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    • Puyallup Christian CounselingPuyallup
    • Redmond OfficeRedmond
    • Seattle Downtown OfficeSeattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake 2Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    • Tacoma Office FrontTacoma
    • Spokane ValleySpokane Valley
    • Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind the best counselor for your needs
  • CareersBecome an affiliated Christian counselor
  • (425) 939-6856Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

What Do Denial and Family History Have to Do With Addiction?

Bellevue Christian Counseling
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/what-do-denial-and-family-history-have-to-do-with-addiction-5.jpg 480 480
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/bellevue.jpg
https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/cropped-cropped-seattle-logo.png
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
Photo of Chris Chandler

Chris Chandler

Aug
2013
21

What Do Denial and Family History Have to Do With Addiction?

Chris Chandler

Chemical DependencyCodependencyCounseling for Teens

By Chris Chandler, MA, LMHC, CSAT-C, Bellevue Christian Counseling

References “The New Codependency” by Melody Beattie

Addicts do not abuse substances because they are worse people than everyone else. They use because that is the system they’ve developed for dealing with painful feelings and problems. It’s called “self-medicating.” Why do addicts self-medicate? Two common reasons: they do not take advantage of healthier ways to cope with problems, or they are not psychologically capable of processing what is hurting them.

Dealing with Denial

In her book, “The New Codependency,” Melody Beattie talked about the years she spent as a hardcore drug addict, starting in her teens going well into her 20s. She eventually got sober, but during a presentation, she ran across an old photo of herself from high school. The painful expression in the picture triggered a flood of all the old feelings she had suppressed with drinking and drugs. Beattie realized self-medicating was the only way she could have dealt with those feelings growing up, otherwise she would have killed herself.

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

“Denial can be a gift. It gives people time to gather their resources so they can face the truth. The strongest people can have something that’s too much to accept at once. People don’t deliberately use denial. They need its help. For some, it’s a hotel–a temporary place to stay. Other people dig in and make denial their home.” (103)

The Process of Denial

Life is a growing process. There are early stages when you are not prepared to accomplish a task you will grow into later. There is a reason you do addition in elementary school and save algebra for later. Paul demonstrates the same principle in his first letter to the Corinthians. He tells them in chapter 3 that he gave them milk instead of meat because they could not yet handle the rigorous “chewing” required. Denial is similar. It is an example of how God created our brains to recognize when we are not ready to handle something. It protects us from a task that would overwhelm us, and instead keeps it waiting until we are ready to tackle it.

That is not to say you should indulge in or support self-destructive behavior for the sake of “feeling better.” If you or someone you care about struggles with substance abuse, get help. But, bear in mind that denial is not easily left behind. Beattie said it’s important people feel safe, and that they are making choices on their own terms.

Blaming Family of Origin

One reason it is crucial addicts must feel safe before they can confront their addiction is because substance abuse is often rooted in insecurity and mistreatment. While not all addicts endured abusive childhoods, many did. They learned they could not trust other people to be sympathetic to their pain. They were made to feel weak for revealing their sadness or fear. Can you see why criticizing an addict only makes them drink more?

This is why security is such a crucial part of persuading addicts to pursue treatment. They must feel they can trust their loved ones and rehabilitators not to shame them for their “weakness.”

Dealing with Difficulty

Weakness is not an opportunity for others to shame you. It is an opportunity for God to demonstrate his grace and strength. As Paul said of the thorn in his side, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (II Cor. 12:9-10 NIV)

Some periods of life are harder than others. Don’t get down on yourself when you find yourself struggling. Rather, take advantage of the valley as an opportunity for God to reveal his power to you.

Living in the Past

It is only when addicts feel safe that they can begin confronting what they have been self-medicating. “We know that until we examine the past, we will re-create it and continue living in it… Abuse doesn’t end when it stops; the effects go on for years–sometimes for a person’s life or generations.” (110)

Some people have the idea that looking for causes of addiction is looking for excuses to be a victim. While some victimized people may do it that way, the goal is to gain a better understanding of why you engage in self-destructive behavior so you can stop. “Letting go of the victim self-image is challenging for most victimized people. But until we do it, our healing isn’t complete. We’re only partway there.” (110)

Christian Counseling for Addiction

Consider getting in touch with a professional Christian counselor to aid you on your journey to sobriety. Like a personal trainer, you want someone who is sympathetic to your limitations, but willing to push you to endure the discomfort required for growth. A professional Christian counselor will use therapeutic techniques and Christ’s message of compassion to help you face what you have denied, so you can embrace a better way of living.

Photos

Denial-christian-counseling Freedigitalphotos.net user David Castillo Dominici
Relationship-safety-christian-counseling Stockfreeimages.com user djma

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE

The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact one of our counselors for further information.

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top
Photo of Chris Chandler
Schedule with Chris
  • Appointment Info

  • Your Info

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Chris Chandler

Licensed Counselor and Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist
(425) 533-0007 chrisc@bellevuechristiancounseling.com

Have you ever struggled with doubt, failure, or addiction? I have, and I know that redemption is possible through Christ. My hope for you is to find healing and wholeness. I’m honored to use my experiences and faith to help you reclaim and fortify your life though faith-based counseling. Whatever you’ve been through, I offer you a safe and understanding place where you can find your path to freedom. Together, we can discover lasting and positive change though the love, mercy, and grace of Christ. Read more articles by Chris »

Other articles that might interest you...

spacer

spacer

spacer

About Chris

Photo of Chris Chandler

Chris Chandler, MA, LMHC, CSAT

Licensed Counselor and Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist

Have you ever struggled with doubt, failure, or addiction? I have, and I know that redemption is possible through Christ. My hope for you is to find healing and wholeness. I’m honored to use my experiences and faith to help you reclaim and fortify your life though faith-based counseling. Whatever you’ve been through, I offer you a safe and understanding place where you can find your path to freedom. Together, we can discover lasting and positive change though the love, mercy, and grace of Christ. View Chris's Profile

Recent articles by Chris

  • Dec 23 · Stronger Self-Esteem Through Vulnerability
  • Dec 22 · Replacing Shame with Authenticity
  • Nov 25 · Letting Go of Fear
See all articles by Chris »

Related Services

  • Chemical Dependency
  • Codependency
  • Counseling for Teens

Chris's Office Locations

  • Photo of the Online (WA only) office

    Online (WA only)

    General Office Number

    (206) 388-3929
    ,  

    View Office Details
Bellevue Christian Counseling Logo
Bellevue Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors experienced in helping people of all ages find healing for a wide variety of issues.
© 2025 Bellevue Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
330 112th Ave NE,, Bellevue, WA 98004. Tel (425) 939-6856.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
We are open for business. In person and online counseling are available now.