Codependency

Merriam-Webster defines codependency as “a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (such as an addiction to alcohol or heroin).”In other words, it is a condition where one partner in a dysfunctional relationship is dependent for some need such as approval, love, or self-esteem on the other partner who is in a mentally unhealthy condition themselves.

Codependency usually involves excessive amounts of emotional, physical, and psychological reliance on the other partner, and is often brought about by toxic living situations. It can lead to a number of other issues such as relationship issues, addiction, eating disorders, or difficulty with anger management. The goal of Christian counseling for codependency is to heal the brokenhearted and break the toxic cycle of codependent relationships so individuals can enjoy an independent, free life.

What Codependency Looks Like

Creating a complete list of codependency symptoms can be very difficult, since codependent tendencies often fall at either end of a large spectrum. People who struggle with codependency can either be extremely clingy or extremely isolated. They may be either too dependent or too independent and can even swing from one end to the other.

You may be codependent if you exhibit:

• Improper self-esteem
• A constant desire to please people at any cost
• A fear of saying “no”
• Poor or no boundaries
• A hypersensitivity to other people’s thoughts and feelings
• A persistent habit of taking things personally
• A strong need to care for or “fix” other people
• Continual attempts to control others’ behavior
• Poor communication skills
• An obsession over relationship issues
• A fear of rejection or abandonment
• Difficulty ending unhealthy relationships
• Denial that you have a problem, often blaming others or circumstances
• Emotional guardedness, often from fear of rejection
• Anxiety
• Depression

People are often surprised by how common codependency is. The majority of codependent people experience needs for love, intimacy, and self-worth that have gone unmet, often as far back as childhood. These unmet needs result in an adult who tries to meet these needs through reliance on other people, substances, or even things such as performance at work in order to regain a sense of worth or to fill up an empty place in themselves.

If you think you might be codependent, there is good news:codependency is treatable.Christian codependency counseling can show you how to break the chains of unhealthy relationships and attachments by training you in new, healthy relationship practices.

One of the many things that make codependency so challenging to treat is that those who tend toward codependency will often attract others who are, themselves, either codependent or otherwise emotionally unstable. Most who suffer from codependency attempt to strike a balance between taking care of others’ needs to the neglect of their own and controlling those around them in order to avoid any emotional pain, creating a destructive tension in their relationships.

Though the symptoms can vary widely due to the complexity of codependent relationships, you might be in a codependent relationship if:

• Your life revolves around your partner.
• No matter how you try, you’re never good enough.
• You are a people pleaser.
• You often find yourself in relationships that are abusive.
• You often find yourself in relationships with substance abusers.
• You try to hide your emotions to avoid upsetting others.
• You feel trapped in your relationship, either feeling too guilty or scared to leave.
• Your mood is dictated by the moods and behaviors of your partner.
• You feel unappreciated or disrespected.
• You try to put your partner’s needs first and set poor boundaries.
• You often feel anxious or depressed.

Break the Cycle of Codependent Relationships through Christian Counseling

Whether you come to us alone or with a partner, Christian counseling for codependency can help you down the road to healing.

Counseling methods include:

• Psychotherapy to help you discover and process events in your past that contributed to your codependency.
• Cognitive-behavioral therapy to help you gain awareness of your own thoughts, feelings, and behavior so you can gain better control and responsibility for your life, actions, and happiness.
• Family counseling for helping codependent families learn how to end destructive behavior patterns, heal wounds, and build healthy relationships.
• Marriage counseling for codependent couples who want to end the toxic behaviors and patterns in their relationship.

Our counselors will analyze your situation and design a custom plan of treatment tailored to your specific needs. No matter what your personal approach will ultimately look like, all approaches share common goals:

• Improving self-care
• Setting boundaries
• Challenging controlling behaviors
• Finding productive ways to help others
• Learning to understand family patterns
• Working through issues of improper self-esteem

Here are a few absolute truths that you need to internalize:

You are uniquely created by God.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. – Psalm 139:14

You have intrinsic worth because you are created in God’s image.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. – Psalm 139:14

God’s opinion is the only one that really matters.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. – Galatians 1:10

Because God rules, your life has a purpose.

I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose – Isaiah 46:9-10

You are loved.

But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. – Psalm 86:15

If you believe that you came from or currently live in a family that is plagued by codependency, Christian counseling can revolutionize the way you see yourself, your relationships, and your freedom, identity, and happiness in Christ. The road to overcoming codependent behavior may be long, but it is possible and worth it.

Can a person recover from codependency?

Absolutely! Overcoming codependency is very possible. Codependency is common, but many people are capable of developing new habits and ways of thinking that promote healing over time.

How do I find the right Christian counselor?

It is critical to find a counselor with whom you feel comfortable.You need to find someone who has experience helping people wrestle through codependency and related issues. Please browse through our counselor directory to find a codependency counselor suitable for you.

Does codependency affect men as well as women?

Yes. Even though women are more likely to acknowledge that they are codependent, men may be equally affected by early life issues that produce symptoms of codependency. Christian counseling for codependency can help people of all ages, genders, and backgrounds.

Start the journey toward overcoming codependency today.

Are you tired of unhealthy relationships with yourself and others? Christian counseling for codependency can help. Call us today at 425-939-6856 or contact us online to schedule your risk-free initial session*.