Dysfunction or Divine Invitation: Healing the Root of Family Rejection

God has put something in us that the world needs, and that other people want. That seems unbelievable, causing us to wrestle with the truth of who God has made us to be and the good He wants us to do in this world. A history marked by trauma and family rejection often causes us to experience shame and feelings of worthlessness.

Among those of us familiar with these ills in our own family, grasping the truth concerning our identity and worth seems unfathomable. The rejection that has contributed to our wounds doesn’t just surface with others, we encounter questions about our worth and desirability, even when it comes to God.

The parts of us that most need to be validated and affirmed have been cast aside and dismissed. That is the way rejection wounds work. They operate through the heads, hearts, and hands of the closest people and who claim to love us most.

Family represents the first model for everything that we come to know, informing our identity and influencing our experiences based on their patterns and possible dysfunctions. From parents, siblings, and others in our circle, we gather a sense of how to see ourselves and our world as we go forward.

When these influences are anchored in a godly foundation, family can be a positive force. However, it isn’t enough to just have the Spirit of Christ, our family connections must also reflect a mental and emotional health and maturity that complements healthy, Biblical spirituality.

We can grow up in a faith-filled home and still encounter negative influences. Pain and dysfunction don’t discriminate between those who believe in Jesus and those who don’t. Yet, having a relationship with Christ empowers us with the Holy Spirit to welcome the life transformation that shifts us and our families, not just spiritually, but also mentally and emotionally.

Dysfunction or divine invitation?

The Holy Spirit will guide us in ways that can transform dysfunction into divine invitation. As we welcome Him, He works in our hearts. He has the power to influence those in our family circle as well as we yield to the work He begins and completes (Philippians 1:6). The Holy Spirit should be the defining influence and element that aligns us and our people with who God predestined us to be (Ephesians 2;10).

This is why we need to look to the Lord to give us our sense of identity. Our family has played a role in forming the identity we know, to date. However, accepting Jesus Christ as Savior changes everything (1 Corinthians 5:17, 21). Our family circle enlarges when we come into the Kingdom of God. The Word of God, not the opinions of our relatives, is the mirror through which we need to see ourselves (James 1:22-24).

Even if we have experienced challenges with our families, we can encounter change. It may begin in our individual lives but doesn’t remain trapped inside. Transformation by the Spirit of God disrupts the enemy’s intentions and positions us for progress submitted to God’s divine purpose.

The Holy Spirit informs our mindset and influences our interactions to be an example of the believer in front of the world, including our families (1 Timothy 4:12). The Lord’s work in us releases life-giving power to redefine and recalibrate relationships that may have been characterized by rejection.

Powered for possibility

Jesus has promised to help us with what is impossible, which includes the difficulties we experience in our families. It may be impossible to release mothers and fathers who were abusive or neglectful, or to reconcile relationships with parents who did the best they could with limited tools, resources, and knowledge.

It may be impossible with siblings who ridiculed or rejected us. It may be impossible even with the caregivers whose love seemed imperfect and flawed.

While we could itemize the impossibilities, one thing is known. It is certain that with God alone all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). Led by the Holy Spirit, we can make changes as outlined in the Scriptures. God was aware of the family issues in the home into which we were born or adopted. We can continue to glorify God, even in our weakness, and the process through which we grow and heal.

We don’t have to look far in the Bible to see evidence of imperfect people, both individuals and families. Their relationships were much like ours, marked by trauma narratives, rejection, abandonment, and shame.

Significant examples such as David, Joseph, Gideon, and Moses were still loved and chosen by God, and their difficult experiences gave a place for God to flex His Strength in and through them. Flaws didn’t eclipse the power of God but rather offered a canvas for the glory of God to display itself in mighty ways, in reconciling brokenness and restoring relationships of individuals and entire bloodlines.

That isn’t to say that we always bear the responsible to change our families. Our attempts to change them do not always serve us or our families well. We are not necessarily held accountable for another person’s change, even if we mean well and have good intentions.

We are responsible, however, for entrusting our soul and its care to the Lord for pruning and productivity. How we tend to our soul is related to our relationship with Jesus Christ and flourishes through time, and circumstance, and is proven out through our interactions with others.

Believe beyond

Believing that something else is possible can be challenging when all that we have experienced looks the opposite. Our faith, even in the face of what seems improbable in our own families, demonstrates the victory that overcomes the world, including the one that we have lived in our family connections. Faith reaches and stretches for a reality with God that often looks completely different than all that we have experienced to date.

Begin with God

Beginning with God is the first thing that we can do to heal the parts of us that have been wounded. We can bring our difficult past to him. We can talk with the Father and be completely transparent about the pain that we have endured in those home relationships.

While He doesn’t change what happened in the past, He will help us to reframe our experiences. When we place our history in the grander landscape of the overall picture of His Will, we can see mistakes and mishaps through the fresh lens of God’s grace.

When God changes our view of the past, He also adjusts our vision of the present and future. He enables us to see Him in a new way. As Father, He will never leave nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Even when our parents or siblings have rejected us, the Lord will be with us (Psalm 27:10). While we look at verses like these in Scripture, it seems impossible to believe, but it is the reality of being gathered, held, and treasured that God wants us to experience with Him.

Break up

In experiencing this new reality, we have to be willing to separate ourselves from the old narratives that rejection has inscribed in our souls. That doesn’t mean that we deny past or present challenges, but we don’t have to ruminate on what was hurtful or not useful.

We can ask the Holy Spirit to give us fresh eyes to see what He wants us to see and offer His ultimate interpretation. We can walk in the Spirit as He reveals our next steps and helps us to put our faith to work.

Next steps for dealing with family rejection

As you spend time on this site, allow yourself to see through fresh eyes. Realize that God is greater than the worst of what you’ve encountered. He desires to draw you to Himself and transform the most gut-wrenching memories and experiences.

A Christian counselor can offer the support you need to find healing and the momentum for positive change. Contact our reception team to schedule an appointment to move from dysfunction to God’s healing that awaits.