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How a Relationship Coach Can Transform Your Life

Bellevue Christian Counseling
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330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
330 112th Ave NE, Suite 302
BELLEVUE, WA 98004
United States
Photo of Barney Armstrong

Barney Armstrong

May
2018
18

How a Relationship Coach Can Transform Your Life

Barney Armstrong

Individual CounselingPersonal DevelopmentRelationship Issues

How much of your life is about relationships? If you recognize that it is the lion’s share of your life, then you can imagine that some relationship coaching would be transformative for you.

How a Relationship Coach Can Transform Your Life 3As central as relationships are, we rarely ask others for pointers. Perhaps we really ought to be doing that; but the irony is that we avoid confiding in others precisely because we don’t want to affect what they think of us.

So confidential relationship coaching is a real luxury — there is no stigma, no reputation that will follow you, no relationship that is altered by whatever weaknesses or faults you acknowledge. Because of that, relationship coaching can be very productive in a short time.

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Relationship Coaching Objectives

Too often our relationships are unthinking. In them, we simply “fly by the seat of our pants” — that is, we simply react to stimuli. Since we are, without intervention, fearful creatures, it too often degenerates into shame — avoidance on the one hand and self-seeking for pleasure or pride on the other hand.

As a relationship coach, an early question I would have for you is, “What is your intention, your goal with this person?” It’s surprising how much is solved, how much that is superfluous and derailing is filtered when you have a prime objective — that is, an intentional prime objective that is clearly good.

How a Relationship Coach Can Transform Your LifeDo I want to have fun with this person, pursue an intellectual goal, grow deeper in Christ, mentor them, be mentored by them, further our kinship bonds, be accountable to a superior, supervise subordinates, create business networking, pursue the generosity of romance with them?

From this short and incomplete list, it’s easy to see how mixing some of these goals could lead to confusion and relational hurt. By contrast, keeping your focus on the prime objective keeps you on track, able to recognize what is superfluous, and not chasing red-herrings.

Moral Foundation

In any relationship, there needs to be a moral foundation. That is, your objectives need to be altruistic and forward moving for the other person’s welfare. There are questions to ask yourself to rein in your natural tendency toward selfishness.

How a Relationship Coach Can Transform Your Life 1If you are a believer, then redemption is the name of the game — it is what is going on in your life. That means continual renovation, and relationships, if you are alert to it, will push you to struggle for that renovation. That’s a good thing, and relationships are one of God’s fundamental tools.

So — you might ask yourself questions like, “Am I valuing this person, showing them high regard?” “Do I want good for this person?” or conversely, “Am I ripping this person off for attention or recognition?”

How a Relationship Coach Can Help You

So why do we need coaching? Well … we tend to get off course. It is helpful to have an objective source to point out when we are interacting with others in our fears, in our shame avoidance, in our selfishness, in our codependence.

It is helpful to have someone point out when we are misinterpretting another, when we are misreading them, when they are ‘using’ us, when it’s time to draw boundaries, or time to be assertive.

How a Relationship Coach Can Transform Your Life 2All such things are actually in the other’s best interests. That runs contrary to so much advice that is ‘on the street,’ in social media these days and the mode of the day. “You have to look out for you,” “you have to love yourself first,” or “ if someone in your life is bringing negativity, you need to lose them.”

This is all low-grade, self-centered ‘advice,’ and runs contrary to the Sermon on the Mount. Even boundaries and being assertive is healthy for a relationship at times, and is helpful and honorific for the other. Making the right distinctions here can be tricky and having an objective coach can be a great advantage.

Christian Counseling for Relationship Issues

If you see coaching as a possible opportunity for you to refocus and vitalize one or more relationships in your life, we would be happy to work with you.  Consider giving my counseling office a call and arranging an initial consult.  God’s blessings on all of your interacting with others.

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“Trust Me,” courtesy of Jeremy Wong, unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Forest”, Courtesy of Filip Stepien, Flickr.com; CC BY 2.0 License; “Natural Beauty”, Courtesy of Silviarita, Pixabay.com; CC0 License; “Conversation,” courtesy of rawpixel.com, unsplash.com, CC0 License

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE

The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact one of our counselors for further information.

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Barney is currently not accepting new clients

Barney Armstrong

Licensed Counselor
(206) 701-9144 barneya@bellevuechristiancounseling.com

Life should be more than just pain and trials. Though they can serve a purpose, I believe that God has much more in store for you. My hope is to help you discover the wonderful joys and strength that lie beneath the pain and trauma you might be facing. Through Christ, we can conquer fear and find freedom, healing, and purpose. Whatever challenges you face, I offer you a safe place for you to discover all that God can do for your life. Read more articles by Barney »

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About Barney

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Barney Armstrong, MA, LMHC

Licensed Counselor

Life should be more than just pain and trials. Though they can serve a purpose, I believe that God has much more in store for you. My hope is to help you discover the wonderful joys and strength that lie beneath the pain and trauma you might be facing. Through Christ, we can conquer fear and find freedom, healing, and purpose. Whatever challenges you face, I offer you a safe place for you to discover all that God can do for your life. View Barney's Profile

Recent articles by Barney

  • Aug 13 · How to Cure Depression: Is it Really Possible?
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See all articles by Barney »

Related Services

  • Individual Counseling
  • Personal Development
  • Relationship Issues

Barney's Office Locations

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    Bellevue

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (425) 939-6856
    330 112th Ave NE,, Suite 302 Bellevue, WA 98004

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    Redmond

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (425) 250-6282
    8195 166th Avenue Northeast, suite 204 Redmond, WA 98052

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    Online (WA only)

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    (206) 388-3929
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