How to Describe Rejection Sensitivity as Someone With ADHD

As someone with ADHD, there will be times when your moods shift unexpectedly, and you experience intense emotional pain over simple things. This is part of the emotional dysregulation caused by ADHD known as rejection sensitivity, or RSD (Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria). Even neurotypical people find it difficult to talk about their feelings and personal experiences, but it can be even more intense for those with ADHD.

Sometimes, it is only when you begin to open up to others about what is going on inside that you will find the emotional support you need. Being able to articulate your feelings will also help you understand yourself, and it will validate your struggles.

Emotional Rollercoaster

People with ADHD grow up facing struggles from two different directions: externally and internally. They grow up being criticized, verbally abused, and treated with contempt by others because of their behaviors, tendencies, and weaknesses.

They only act this way because of a neurodevelopmental disorder beyond their control. Putting pressure on them to change without giving them the nurturing support they need is like taking an ax to a tree. Not only do they have to navigate a rollercoaster of emotions each day, but they are made to feel ashamed of themselves and anxious about being vulnerable with others.

It is only as you get older and start learning more about the ways that ADHD affects you that you can begin finding the help you need. There might be a lot to resolve and find healing for, but the journey begins by learning to communicate your experience to others. Perhaps you have never described your thoughts and feelings to others before. It’s intimidating to even try, because you run the risk of feeling rejected if they fail to understand you.

However, with time and practice at expressing yourself, you will not only help your loved ones understand you, but you will also understand yourself in a significantly deeper way.

How To Describe Rejection Sensitivity

The following sentences are realistic descriptions of rejection sensitivity spoken by those with ADHD. Not every sentence will resonate with you. At the very least, they provide some insight that you can share with the people in your life who want to support and understand you. You could even use some of these statements as prompts for journaling.

“I tend to catastrophize over the smallest things, like when someone’s tone toward me changes. Things as small as this can make me spiral for days as I try to figure out what I did wrong.”

If you have ever spent a week worrying about a friendship because of a text that went unanswered or something similar, you are not alone. This is a common occurrence with rejection sensitivity. Though you might feel foolish for reacting in such a dramatic fashion over what is objectively a simple issue, the pain you feel in this moment should not be minimized.

“It’s hard for me to remember my past achievements when I’m criticized. All I can think of is where I went wrong, and it starts to feel like I’ve been failing for ages.”

Rejection sensitivity makes you feel like you are being criticized, even when you are not. There are few things as scary as having to receive feedback or evaluation at work. Iin your relationships, you probably try to avoid certain conversations as much as possible. Being able to tell your loved ones and work colleagues how you feel about feedback and constructive criticism will allow them to communicate more clearly and remind you of your triumphs.

“In the moments of confrontation or conflict, I have an intense physical reaction. I struggle to articulate myself, and my heart beats so violently that I can feel it.”

Even simple conversations feel like confrontations to the person with rejection sensitivity. Some people even feel nauseous at moments when they have to communicate in certain ways. These physical sensations and intense emotions are valid and a normal part of rejection sensitivity.

“I’ve been told that I’m too sensitive and take everything personally. I wish I weren’t like this, but I don’t feel in control of my mood swings or how things affect me.”

The chances are that you feel deeply embarrassed about your emotional responses to things. Most people with ADHD are only emotional and sensitive because of the disorder. If they had a choice, they would switch their emotions off or dim them, as if they were a light switch. Unfortunately, this is not an option with ADHD.

“I go through cycles where I avoid everyone because it’s tiring to hide all of my faults and pretend like things are alright.”

No one naturally knows how to cope with these intense aspects of ADHD. Many people opt to avoid social interactions entirely, choosing instead to stay at home where it is safe and they can be themselves. While this can be an effective way of calibrating your emotions, it can also lead to loneliness at a time when you need support.

Isolating yourself is not always an option, either. If you can explain your reasons for being aloof or standoffish with those around you, they might give you the distance you need while still being available for when you feel more grounded.

“One thing I am good at is doing the things that make others like me. The flipside of this ability is that I struggle saying ‘no’ or asking for my needs to be met by others.”

People-pleasing is one of the most common ways that those with ADHD cope with rejection sensitivity. The idea is simple: if you can make yourself likable enough, people are less likely to reject you. The problem is that people-pleasing often requires you to lower or even destroy your boundaries to make others happy.

Meanwhile, you become more frustrated, exhausted, and anxious as you work harder than anyone else to be valued. You might find the freedom you so desperately need from people-pleasing if you can express these struggles to those around you.

“When I think back, it feels like I have been criticized and confronted about things for decades. I would never treat people the way they have treated me.”

People with ADHD are frequently criticized from elementary school age onwards. They meet resistance and even ridicule for not fitting in or acting like everyone else. Whether verbal abuse or microaggressions, you have likely been exposed to some type of ill treatment for decades.

When you acknowledge this and simply sit with it, you will begin to see where you have been unfairly treated. Your inner child might appreciate a word of encouragement and appreciation, especially if you learned to become your own worst critic later in life.

“I struggle with allowing others into my life and asking for help. Intimacy hurts because I’m afraid of ruining the good relationships I have.”

Picture this: it’s a bright, sunny, midsummer day, and you have gone to the beach to enjoy a day off. You become hot from lying in the sun and contemplate going in the water to cool off.

However, each time a wave touches your toes, you go running back up the beach, never getting in the water. You spend the rest of the day approaching the water, only to run back up the beach as soon as a wave comes too near. This is a picture of the pattern of behavior for those who fear rejection.

Intimacy is a lot like swimming in an ocean. Most people have to learn to do it. Even when you feel confident and experienced in it, there are still risks and unpredictable things that can happen. In order for change to come, at some point, you will have to reach out for help and trust the hand that holds yours.

Change is necessary if you want a breakthrough in your life, but it can also be scary. If you would like support on your healing journey, we recommend that you meet with a counselor. They will hear all of your struggles and walk alongside you as you work through your issues to find healing. If you are ready to get started, contact our office today for more information about meeting with a counselor.