Challenges for an Only Child in the First Year of Marriage

Marriage is an adjustment for everyone, but for only children, this transition can be uniquely nuanced. Growing up as an only child often means being accustomed to a certain level of independence and receiving undivided attention from parents.

When an only child gets married, they embark on a journey that blends their lifelong experiences with new dynamics and expectations. Here are some typical challenges that only children face in their first year of marriage and suggestions for overcoming them.

Adjusting to Constant Companionship

One of the most immediate changes for an only child entering marriage is the shift from a solitary existence to sharing every aspect of life with a partner. Even those who are naturally extroverted may find themselves missing their alone time and struggling to maintain their usual upbeat demeanor due to the constant presence of another person.

For individuals who once considered themselves extroverted, marriage can reveal a surprising aspect of their personality: the need for solitude. While they may have thrived in social settings and enjoyed engaging with others, the ability to recharge alone at home often played a crucial role in maintaining their extroverted demeanor.

Marriage brings this dynamic into sharp focus, as the constant presence of a partner can illuminate a deep-seated desire for personal space. Adjusting to this new reality while maintaining a supportive marital relationship requires understanding and adapting to newly highlighted needs for personal recharge and reflection.

Practical Tips:

• Set up a “Me Time” corner in your home. Designate a cozy nook or room where each of you can retreat for solo activities, giving yourself space to recharge while respecting each other’s need for solitude.
• Communicate Openly about your need for personal space and work together to find a practical solution.
• Don’t neglect your hobbies and other friendships. Be sure to maintain your personal identity as you become one with your mate.

Adjusting to Sharing Personal Items

One of the most tangible adjustments that an only child must face in the early days of marriage is learning to share possessions. It can be a real wake-up call to realize that sharing isn’t just something you do on social media. After a lifetime of having everything to themselves, the shift to a shared life can be both surprising and challenging.

For an only child who has always had full control over things like their computer, remote, or even their favorite chair, the idea of someone else using these items can feel intrusive. Who knew the remote could cause such a power struggle?

Practical Tips:

• Buy new shared items such as scissors and other household items that belong to both of you equally.
• Engaging in small acts of sharing, like offering a favorite blanket during movie night can ease the transition.
• Respectfully set and respect boundaries regarding your personal possessions.

Adjusting to Sharing Space & Household Responsibilities

Sharing space can also be a significant hurdle. Only children might come into marriage with established habits that weren’t shaped by the presence of siblings. Only children are used to making decisions on their own, so when it comes to decorating a shared space or dictating how a space is used, they can come across as an uncompromising authoritarian.

Household responsibilities can vary significantly, especially for only children. Many only children grow up in an environment where their parents handle most of the chores, either due to having the time to do so themselves or by hiring help. As a result, these individuals may enter marriage with limited experience in managing household tasks, which can lead to frustration when everyday chores accumulate.

This lack of experience might make them feel overwhelmed and potentially resentful if they believe their partner isn’t contributing equally, particularly if they’ve always enjoyed a well-maintained home with minimal personal effort.

In contrast, children with siblings often learn about shared responsibilities at an early age. Chores are typically divided among family members, creating a sense of collective duty. For only children, who may not have had the early exposure, adapting to a shared household can be challenging.

Practical Tips

• Create a chore chart that turns household responsibilities into a fun activity such as awarding points for each completed task.
• Always make it a practice to leave a room cleaner than when you entered.
• Downsize your possessions. Having less clutter makes it easier to keep a space clean.

Blending Family Traditions and Dynamics

One of the more subtle challenges for only children in marriage is merging different family traditions and dynamics. Growing up in a family of three often means that the holiday traditions, family routines, and even everyday decisions were centered around the only child.

In marriage, these familiar patterns must be blended with those of their partner’s family, which can feel like a significant shift. Whether it’s deciding whose family to visit for holidays or integrating different traditions into the home, this process requires patience, communication, and sometimes a willingness to compromise on long-held customs.

Practical Tips

• Choose which family traditions are most important to both of you and try to blend them into your new shared life.
• You may have to let go of some of the traditions you have held onto throughout your life. And that’s okay. These traditions were an important part of your past.
• You are building a future together, so create traditions that are new to both of you. Keep it simple so you can maintain the tradition throughout your life.

Balancing Independence and Interdependence

Some only children find it significantly challenging to strike the right balance between independence and interdependence. As an only child, independence likely came naturally, with plenty of time and space to pursue personal interests and hobbies.

In marriage, however, there is a need to balance this independence with the interdependence that a partnership requires. Once you’re married, “we” doesn’t just mean you and your own ideas.

Practical Tips:

• Learn when to prioritize alone time and when to invest in shared experiences.
• Don’t think of interdependence as a weakness but embrace teamwork.
• Practice team building and trust activities, much like the kind used in corporate settings.

More on How to Adjust to Married Life

As a Christian, leaning on faith can be a powerful source of strength during life transitions. Scripture encourages us to bear one another’s burdens and to build each other up in love (Galatians 6:2, Ephesians 4:2).

This can be a novel concept for an only child who has learned to rely on themselves for all their needs. Turning to prayer, seeking wisdom from mentors, and relying on God’s guidance can provide comfort and direction as you and your spouse grow together.

Viewing your spouse as your prayer partner can help build a bond of trust. Your spouse is your partner in all areas of life, so invite them into your prayer life. Being prayer partners gives you a common goal, dedicated time together, and a platform for vulnerability that doesn’t always present itself in day-to-day life.

Seeking Support and Guidance in the First Year of Marriage

Adjusting to these new dynamics can be overwhelming and it’s important to recognize when outside support might be helpful. Seeking therapy, either individually or as a couple, can provide valuable insights and strategies for navigating these transitions.

Therapy can help an only child, and their partner explore underlying issues, improve communication, and develop healthier patterns in their relationship. It’s an intentional way to ensure that both partners feel supported and understood as they adjust to married life.

The Two Become One

While transitioning into marriage may bring unique challenges for an only child, it can also offer incredible opportunities for growth, connection, and deepening one’s relationship with their spouse and God. Many only children fantasize about being a part of a large family until that enthusiasm is tempered by the reality of marrying into one and facing real-life challenges.

Being an only child does have its advantages in marriage too. Only children often develop strong communication skills from engaging with adults early in their lives. This translates well into marriage. Additionally, growing up without siblings can create a deep sense of empathy and attentiveness, as only children are accustomed to building close, meaningful relationships.

The transition into married life for an only child involves finding the balance between their familiar independence and the unfamiliar togetherness that comes with marriage. While the absence of siblings may have shaped your early life, the experiences that marriage brings can help to shape a bright, shared future.

Christian Counseling for the First Year of Marriage and Beyond

If you want to be more prepared to enter marriage as an only child to avoid some of these pitfalls, speaking to a counselor can help. Contact our office today for more information.