8 Tips for Maintaining a Healthy Long-Distance Relationship

Our world can feel simultaneously cramped and small, as well as vast. You can drink coffee from halfway across the world for breakfast, have a Zoom meeting with colleagues in another hemisphere at midday, and have meals throughout the day with ingredients sourced from across the planet. You can text and have FaceTime calls with people who are technically already welcoming tomorrow while you’re starting your day.

All this is amazing, one of the technological marvels that living in our time has made commonplace. However, it’s possible to still feel incredibly lonely. The great thing about the various communication tools we have is that you can connect with loved ones wherever you or they may be. It has never been easier to have a long-distance relationship, broadening your horizons and options. There are some things to be aware of before you start.

Long Distance Relationships – Yea or Nay?

Should you or shouldn’t you get into a long-distance relationship? Ultimately, each person has to answer this question for themselves, having weighed all the pros and cons. In some cases, it’s not an option. If you’re married or already in a committed relationship, and your beloved gets deployed or has to go to school out of state, taking the relationship long-distance might be a no-brainer for you. Distance isn’t a hindrance.

Nonetheless, a choice does need to be made when distance comes into the equation. That’s because being apart does introduce a new dynamic into the relationship, and the challenges and opportunities that being apart presents may significantly shift the calculus. Still, for most people, the question is moot, and it’s only when the distance starts to complicate and make some things problematic that the question might arise – “Should we keep doing this?”

Other situations where the question of long-distance relationships might come up are when you decide to date online, and you’re trying to decide what your dating pool is. If you want to date long-distance, you must reckon with the logistics of it, and other aspects like whether you’re emotionally ready for the challenges of long-distance relationships, your goals, if you have a support system in place, and whether you can feasibly close the distance at some point.

ltimately, you must decide for yourself,

fter looking at your past experiences,

our ability to function independently,

your long-term goals, your communication style, struggles with trust, and more, whether you want to move forward and initiate a long-distance relationship. Looking at what it takes to create and maintain a healthy long-distance relationship might help you decide if that’s the route you’d like to take.

How to Maintain a Healthy Long-Distance Relationship

If you decide that you want to go for it and have a long-distance relationship, what are some of the things you can do to have a healthy relationship? In many ways, the things that make for a healthy relationship between two people who see each other every day are the sorts of things that are needed to make a long-distance relationship flourish. There are differences, of course, but a lot will likely look the same. Some things to consider include:

Communication Maintaining a healthy relationship requires good communication. Couples will vary in how frequently and the means they use to communicate, but communication must happen. Schedule regular calls, text, send emails, and snail mail too – all in an effort to stay connected. Communication must be vulnerable, which means being willing to honestly share thoughts, feelings, and experiences with one another.

Good communication requires skills such as active listening, which is listening to hear one another’s needs and concerns, and not responding hastily. It’s a powerful tool that most people struggle with, and it can hamper the growth of your relationship.

Emotional intimacy Nurturing emotional intimacy helps to connect you deeply, and communication is one of the main ways to do this. Share yourself – your feelings, thoughts, plans, dreams, history, and whatever else that makes you who you are. Don’t be afraid to show your affection and care for each other, whether through gifts, care packages, or being intentional about your time together.

Nurture trust and commitment Trust is built by spending time with someone, showing up consistently, and being reliable, honest, and transparent about your motives and intentions. Showing up and putting in effort to be present for your partner indicates commitment to your partner. That could mean celebrating wins with them, making plans to meet, and making good on those plans.

Discuss boundaries It’s important to discuss what your boundaries are, not only to maintain independence but to set healthy expectations and patterns in the relationship. Pursue your own hobbies, friendships, interests, and goals. It’s important to encourage each other to grow as individuals and to support one another’s goals.

Boundaries might also include frequency and means of communication, and they are necessary to allow you room to prioritize self-care so that you tend to your emotional and physical needs, such as rest, exercise, and social connection with others.

Have good logistics Being in a long-distance relationship means that you need to be adept at coordinating both of your schedules so you don’t miss opportunities to connect. It also takes planning to arrange in-person visits and trips to see each other. Using shared organization apps or calendars, you can stay organized to provide uncluttered opportunities to connect.

If you’ve planned to see each other in person, count down the days until you get to see each other. This helps build anticipation, and it makes the time together feel even more special.

Address conflict When time and opportunities to connect come at a premium, it may be tempting to gloss over differences and not address issues. Part of communication is addressing conflict and disagreement as it arises, and not pretending like all is well. Conflict is one of the situations where active listening comes in handy, as it helps you to truly hear each other’s concerns.

Celebrate Another part of doing life together while you are apart is to make the time to celebrate major milestones and successes together. If you have occasions that are special or meaningful to you, make the time to mark those too; such positive experiences, when shared, are what healthy relationships are built on. Celebrating also means practicing gratitude and being mindful of the good things you share.

Seek support No healthy relationship gets that way without support. That support can be what you provide to each other, especially if one of you is having a hard time. It can also come from trusted and wise loved ones, such as friends or family members. That support may also be found by seeking help from a professional therapist or counselor.

If you’re struggling with conflict or poor communication, a trained, independent third-party counselor can help you navigate the labyrinth that conflict can become. They can be a safe space where you can both share your thoughts, fears, and feelings without judgment. Your counselor can help you get to the heart of the matter while equipping you to address issues well.

A long-distance relationship comes with its own set of pressures and challenges. For instance, some people might wrestle with not being able to spend time in person, which is a huge deal if their primary love language is touch.

These things can be negotiated, and possible solutions explored. As with any other relationship, it’s up to the individual how and whether they’ll pursue the relationship, but it is possible to have a healthy long-distance relationship.

Conclusion

A long-distance relationship comes with its peculiar challenges, but like every other relationship, it has its deep joys, too. Each person and couple must decide for themselves if they want to embark on and continue a relationship while they’re apart by weighing the various considerations.

Many resources and help are available to deal with issues that come up, and these include seeking a counselor as a valuable form of support. To learn more and schedule an appointment with me or one of the other counselors in our office, contact our reception team today.