How to Communicate Better: Relationship Advice for Men

There’s one thing that if you do more of it and become good at it, will improve any relationship significantly. Communication is the lifeblood of our relationships and getting that right helps to foster healthy connections with others. Of course, learning how to communicate better is easier said than done, as several obstacles stand in the way of it.

This article will explore why good communication makes everything better, and why communication is hard. For men who are or intend to be in relationships, being able to communicate well is one of the most important pieces to make relationships flourish.

Great communication makes everything better.

In any relationship, the ability to communicate well makes everything better. This is a key piece of relationship advice for men, but it is valuable for everyone. The biblical book of Genesis tells us something valuable about relationships. In the beginning, when God made human beings, He made them relational creatures.

That is what we still are today; social beings that reflect the image of the God who is eternally Father-Son-Holy Spirit. Genesis tells us that this was the situation of the first man and woman – “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame” (Genesis 2:25, NIV). This situation didn’t last, though.

The Bible goes on to say that when the man and woman decided to disobey God, there were several consequences they unleashed, and the broad umbrella term for what happened was “death.” As soon as they disobeyed God, their relationships began to crumble.

We read that “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as He was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden” (Genesis 3:7-9, NIV). They covered themselves up, and then they later hid themselves from God.

People read these passages in several ways, but they communicate some basic truths about our reality. When humans disobeyed God and decided to claim the right to name what is good or evil instead of leaving that prerogative to God, they unleashed chaos. One person’s definition of what is good doesn’t always line up with another person’s.

Often, that means we can’t trust each other’s intentions because our goals could be vastly different. The man and the woman were naked, and then they covered themselves up as soon as they disobeyed God; how can they trust each other when they each have a distinct understanding of what is good and evil? And when they heard God in the garden, they hid from Him too, because that is what broken relationships do – they make us retreat from intimacy.

What does all this have to do with communication? Well, if we each see the world differently, and even define good and evil in our own way, it leaves a lot up to interpretation. Even though we desire to know one another and be known and loved by others, it’s not easy to be vulnerable and trust others with ourselves because their intentions may not be aligned with what we believe will enable us to flourish.

Good communication helps a person to be vulnerable, to make their intentions clear, and to preserve the sense of safety of the other. In the middle of a fight with your spouse, when tempers are flaring, you and your spouse both want to know that you’re being heard and that you’re still loved. Good communication helps you accomplish that.

It allows you to express your concerns without minimizing the other person’s, and it helps you listen effectively so that the other person feels valued. Good communication helps to deepen and preserve intimacy. Through it, you unveil yourself and un-sew your proverbial fig leaves, letting the other person into your world so that you are known.

If the disobedience of Adam and Eve brought about death in the form of broken relationships, using one’s words wisely can bring healing and health to those relationships. As Proverbs 15:4 (ESV) says, “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” We can use our words and our presence (our greatest tools in communication), to either build others up and bless them or to break them and those relationships down.

This is one reason the Bible speaks so often about the power of the tongue (1 Peter 3:10; Ephesians 4:29; Proverbs 17:9; Luke 6:45; Proverbs 18:20-21; James 3:1-12). Good communication in your relationships is not just about whether you can get your point across, but whether your point is good, true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy, and spoken in love.

Why communication is often so hard.

The cliché that men are incapable of communicating is far from accurate. Perhaps there is a nugget of truth in the idea, and that is why it has become a cliché, but this generalization is unhelpful. It is true, however, that people (including men) struggle with communicating in relationships, and that happens for a variety of reasons. Some of the reasons why communication is hard include the following:

No facility in certain areas.

There are many skills that a person needs to learn in life and being great at communication is one of them. We have so much working against us in the arena, and research has shown that while many people think they are great listeners, the reality is far from it.

We tend to be too busy, caught up in constant multitasking, so much so that we struggle to pay attention to the people right in front of us. Good communication is a matter of being able to get your ideas across clearly, but it is also about hearing the ideas of the other person. Being a great listener is such a gift to the people in your life, but it is a rare gift.

It is emotionally draining.

Taking the posture of listening to understand the other person well can be emotionally draining. Listening with empathy is hard work, and often it goes against our desire to be heard. Putting yourself second and patiently hearing someone out, especially if you disagree vehemently with what they’re saying can be a huge task that’s not for the faint of heart. Good communication is hard because it takes time and effort to accomplish.

It is easier to make assumptions.

Part of communicating well is to get to the heart of the matter. Earlier, it was pointed out that good communication requires slowing down to pay attention to others. It’s far easier to make assumptions about what someone else is saying than try to figure out what’s truly going on.

Sometimes, relational conflict over you leaving the dishes in the dishwasher is not really about that, but about appreciating the things your spouse does. True listening requires setting aside our assumptions and taking the time to probe, ask questions, and gain clarity on the situation.

Our emotions too often lead the way.

One of the major obstacles to good communication is that our various emotions too often set the agenda. When you’re angry, it’s unlikely you’ll spend time listening to the person who’s angered you. You’re likely to assume bad intentions, assume you understand what they meant when they said this or did that without asking any questions.

You’re also likely to say things that will inflame the situation further and prevent building a consensus. Fear can also distort one’s perspective on things, and it can make you hold back when what’s required is boldness and vulnerability. Being afraid of getting hurt, or of committing to another person, for example, can make one posture and not communicate their real needs in the moment.

Relationship counseling for men.

Good communication requires patience, curiosity, boldness, and a measure of self-control. Relationships, whether they are romantic or business relationships, can all benefit from improved communication. A man can get advice on how to communicate better through counseling, whether through group, individual, or couples counseling.

In your sessions with your counselor, you’ll learn listening skills as well as appreciate how to express yourself in ways that build trust and foster flourishing in your relationships. If you struggle with expressing yourself or with relating well with others, you should consider going for counseling to place your relationships on a firm footing.

Reach out today and enquire about an appointment with a counselor to get you going on your journey toward great communication and healthier relationships.