10 Tips for Coping with Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief is the grief you feel as you anticipate and await an impending loss. Typically, it refers to the death of a loved one or your own demise, but it can also be any looming change such as a forced job loss, scheduled mastectomy, or having to move to an assisted living facility.

Everybody is going to face some type of loss in their life. None of us gets out of this lifetime without having experienced some type of grief. – Regina Josell, PsyD

As you mourn the anticipated loss, you reflect on many of the same questions that people who have just experienced a similar loss do. For example, in the case of a loved one, what will your life be like without him or her, and how will you cope, even though you have not experienced the actual loss yet and your loved one is still here?

If you are the one who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness or a progressive disease like Alzheimer’s, you may feel grief for milestone events you won’t be around for, lost opportunities and dreams, experiences you will miss out on, or the anticipated loss of abilities, memory, or independence.

Anticipatory grief can result in not appreciating the time you have left or together because your thoughts are focused on the future rather than on the present.

Stages of anticipatory grief

The extent to which you may experience anticipatory grief can vary. No two people cope with it the same way. According to researchers, there are four stages. However, these stages do not necessarily happen in the same order for everyone, nor does everybody necessarily experience all of them. Sometimes you may find yourself ping-ponging from one to the other.

Acceptance

You recognize that death (or the upcoming loss) is unavoidable, and may react with sadness, anger, denial, or depression.

Reflection

As you come to terms with what you are feeling and the reality of the upcoming loss, you may also feel regret, guilt, or remorse.

Rehearsal

You start thinking about how you will feel and act during and immediately following the loss, as well as things you may need to do such as make funeral arrangements.

Imagining the future

You start to visualize what your life will look like after the loss.

Common manifestations of anticipatory grief

Common signs of anticipatory grief can include shock, fear, sadness, crying, denial, anger, resentment, helplessness, hopelessness, dread, anxiety about the future, depression, guilt, emotional numbness, loneliness, regret, shifting emotions, “what if” thinking, or trouble concentrating. Often these feelings are mixed with hope that you or your loved one will live longer than expected or even survive the illness, which can contribute to emotional ups and downs.

Tips for coping with anticipatory grief

Connect with others

Stay connected with your friends and family. Talk about your pain and fears to a close family member, friend, pastor, priest, or counselor.

Join a support group

Talking with other people who have been through or who are currently going through a similar experience can provide support, encouragement, and a lot of insight. In addition, it provides reassurance that you are not alone in your feelings of anticipatory grief.

Make the most of the time you have now

Spend as much time with your loved one as possible. Encourage him or her to share how they are feeling and listen patiently without being judgmental.

Share memories, have meaningful conversations, address unresolved issues, and take time to talk about regrets, fears, and concerns, and/or to make amends. Say your goodbyes before your loved one passes, tell them that it’s okay to go, and, if appropriate, that you’ll be okay, as well.

Focus on quality of life

Instead of hoping for recovery, hope for smaller, more achievable targets such as having a good day. Help your loved one adjust, and do things together you can do, such as celebrate a birthday or holiday early.

Make something together like a video or a collage of favorite photos, play games, or do simple puzzles. Help them get their affairs in order, reminisce about past times, read to them, pray or sing together, play music, massage their feet, or take them out for some fresh air or a scenic drive.

Prioritize self-care

Grief can be both physically and emotionally exhausting. Practicing self-care such as eating well, getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, moving your body, and taking time to relax and do something you enjoy, is crucial to your well-being.

Practice mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness techniques can help you stay centered and grounded in the present. Look for things about the present moment you can be thankful for, for example. Or reflect on things about your loved one that you are grateful for, such as lessons they have taught you or some values they passed on, and share your thoughts with him or her.

Interrupt intrusive thoughts about the future

Do your best to interrupt intrusive, ruminating thoughts about the future and what life will be like after your loss. Acknowledge the fear but make an effort to stay in the present moment.

Express your feelings

Acknowledge your feelings, allow yourself to feel them all, and find healthy ways to express and work through them such as journaling, music, artwork, or some other creative outlet.

Focus on the things you can control

Anticipatory grief can feel overwhelming because of all the unknowns involved. Focus on the things you can control and make better.

Consider therapy

Grief therapy is a safe place where you can share what you are going through with a trained mental health professional. They can help you understand and process what you are feeling, and plan for what could happen next.

Finding comfort for anticipatory grief in your bible

They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD. – Psalm 112:7, ESV

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. – Isaiah 26:3, ESV

God encourages us to put our trust in Him and not to fear bad news.

You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? – Psalm 56:8, ESV

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. – Psalm 147:3, ESV

Weeping is normal when your heart feels heavy with grief. God notices your tears and cares, and He has compassion for you. He wants to comfort you.

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. – 1 Thessalonians 4:13, NIV

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall ne no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. – Revelation 21:4, ESV

If you and your loved one have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ you can take comfort in knowing you will be together in eternity where there will no longer be any pain or sorrow.

Christian counseling for grief therapy

Christian counseling involves a combination of secular clinical interventions, Biblical principles, and prayer. If you are struggling with anticipatory grief, you do not have to walk this path alone.

If you have questions about this article on anticipatory grief, would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at our location, or would like to know how you too can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please give us a call today.