ADHD and Autism: Self-Care for Parenting Your Neurodivergent Child

Parenting is hard. Parenting a child with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, or other neurological or developmental differences, can be an overwhelming journey. It’s a path filled with love and joy, but also one with challenges that require super-human patience, understanding, and resilience.

It’s easy to become so consumed with advocating for your child, managing their therapies, and navigating meltdowns, that you neglect your own needs. But prioritizing self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity, for your own well-being, and your ability to provide your child with the love and support they need.

Why is self-care important?

Raising neurodivergent children can be emotionally and physically draining. The constant demands and the emotional roller coaster can lead to burnout, stress, and even resentment. Self-care allows you to recharge and maintain a sense of well-being and connectedness to your own identity as an individual, in addition to your role as a mom or dad. There are multiple benefits of self-care for parents of children with ADHD and autism.

Preventing Burnout The excessive, prolonged stress of raising a neurodivergent child can cause emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion, putting you at significant risk of burnout. Self-care acts as a buffer, reducing the likelihood of burnout by reducing stress and anxiety.

Boosting Emotional Resilience Life with a neurodivergent child involves navigating unforeseen challenges and big emotions. Self-care builds resilience, allowing you to more easily adapt, bounce back from disappointments, and maintain a balanced perspective.

Preserving Mental and Physical Health Chronic stress takes a toll on both mental and physical health. Self-care practices like time outdoors, exercise, mindfulness, and social connection improve mood, reduce anxiety, and promote overall well-being.

Improving Parental Effectiveness When you’re well-rested and refreshed, you’re better equipped to handle the meltdowns and daily challenges as they come up. Self-care allows you to think on your feet and be a more effective, patient parent.

Setting a Positive Example Children learn by observing their parents. By prioritizing self-care, you’re modeling healthy strategies and life choices. You’re teaching them that it’s important to take care of ourselves and that Mom and Dad have needs, too.

Practical Self-Care Strategies

Self-care isn’t about expensive spa days or time-consuming rituals. It’s about incorporating small, sustainable practices into your day, fueling your mind, body, and spirit. Some of the practices below will resonate with you and others may not. Don’t shame or blame yourself for those you can’t accomplish. Celebrate small successes. Even if you set aside a just few minutes for yourself each day, that’s a great start.

Prioritize your sleep

• Aim for 7-8 hours of sleep each night, but don’t watch the clock and keep yourself awake due to the stress of not logging enough Z’s.
• Establish a consistent bedtime routine, not only for your kids but for yourself, as well.
• Create a relaxing sleep environment. Declutter if you can.
• Aim for turning off electronics thirty minutes (sixty if possible) before bedtime.
• Trade nights with your partner, so you can both get a few good nights’ sleep each week. If you’re a single parent, do you have a trusted caregiver who could help you out at night occasionally?

Nourish your body

• Eat a balanced diet with plenty of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.
• Limit processed foods, caffeine, and sugar.
• Stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water every day.
• Try to maintain as consistent a meal schedule as possible.
• Sit down for family meals as often as possible. For neurodivergent families, mealtime can be chaotic and stressful, especially dinner time. Remember that struggles at mealtimes are normal, and that’s OK. Plan to give yourself a few peaceful minutes of alone time after dinner if mealtimes are especially challenging.

Get your body moving

• Try to fit in regular physical activity, even if it’s a short walk or chasing your kids around the playground. All movement counts. Bonus points if you can work in a little kid-free exercise.
• Find an activity you enjoy, whether it’s yoga, swimming, dancing, biking, or pickleball.
• Exercise is good for your body, mind, and spirit. It can reduce stress, improve your mood, and boost energy levels.

Practice mindfulness and relaxation

• Mindfulness is simply about being present in the moment, guiding your mind into the here and now.
• Spend a few minutes outside and focus on your senses. Find five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
• Instead of scrolling on your phone, find a quiet place to relax and unwind. Read a few pages in a book you’ve been wanting to start or jot down several things that you’re grateful for.
• Try guided meditation, deep breathing exercises, or progressive muscle relaxation. There are meditation apps with free content, like Insight Timer, as well as numerous audio recordings online.

Find time for something creative

• Play a musical instrument, scrapbook, journal, paint, or knit.
• Take a cooking class or ceramics class. Take a class online and learn a new skill.
• Rediscover passions that you may have neglected. Engaging in activities that bring you joy can help you recharge and reduce stress.

Connect with others

• Spend time with friends and family who support you.
• Join a support group for parents of neurodivergent children.
• Take time for adult fellowship at your place of worship.
• Social connection can reduce feelings of isolation and provide emotional support.

Set boundaries

• Learn to say “No” to requests that overwhelm you or even those that don’t.
• If you volunteer, limit your commitments or take a break from volunteering altogether.
• Delegate, whenever possible, to reduce your workload.
• Protect your time and energy by establishing and maintaining clear boundaries with families, friends, and colleagues.

Find respite care or household help

• Look into finding a caregiver or babysitter who can temporarily take care of your child from time to time, or better yet on a regular schedule.
• If you can afford a house cleaner or teenager to run errands for you, get outside help to reduce your workload.
• Allow yourself time to recharge and engage in self-care activities.

Advocate for workplace flexibility or seek already existing support

• If you are employed, investigate what kinds of support your employer may offer. Flexible hours and understanding managers can make a huge difference.
• Large employers may offer resource navigation or employee assistance programs. Contact your human resources manager to see if any of these benefits are offered at your company.
• Employee affinity programs or resource groups may exist in your company, connecting you with other parents or caregivers of neurodivergent children.

Seek professional support

• Don’t hesitate to seek therapy or counseling to address your emotional and mental health needs. Therapists can provide guidance and support in developing strategies to reduce the stress, anxiety, and depression that often occur in parents of neurodivergent children.
• Counselors familiar with ADHD and autism can teach you parenting skills and strategies to support your child and ease the strain of neurodivergent parenting challenges.
• Consider family therapy to support the entire family and improve relationships and communication.
• Couples counseling can be extremely helpful for parents navigating the challenges of parenting a child with ADHD, autism, or both. Studies suggest that parents of children with ADHD have a greater likelihood of divorce, and parents of all neurodivergent children certainly have greater challenges than other parents of neurotypical children.

Creating a personalized self-care plan

Developing a self-care plan tailored just for you can help you stay committed to your well-being.

• Identify your specific needs and priorities
• Schedule self-care into your daily or weekly routine
• Set yourself up for success by starting with small, manageable steps and gradually increasing the frequency and duration of your self-care practices over time.
• Be flexible and adapt your plans as your needs or circumstances change. Be gentle with yourself if you need to change plans. Tomorrow is another day.
• Seek support from your partner, spouse, family, or friends to help you stay accountable.

Embracing Self-Compassion and Prioritizing Your Well-Being

The challenges of parenting children with ADHD and autism can be overwhelming. Parents often blame themselves when their patience wears thin or when their child is struggling academically or socially or exhibiting challenging behaviors.

Feelings of shame and inadequacy are common for parents of neurodivergent children. There is no road map to follow when navigating this path, and it’s common to feel lost or isolated along the way. Practicing self-compassion helps parents be gentle with themselves through the ups, downs, twists, and turns of parenting their neurodivergent child.

Practicing self-compassion allows us to accept ourselves in all our humanness and imperfection. It allows us to accept the pain and the challenges that are part of the package when parenting a neurodivergent child. Self-compassion helps us focus on increasing our ability to see the positive and expand our capacity to carry on when the challenges seem overwhelming.

It allows us to treat ourselves as we would treat a dear friend, not blaming or shaming them for the mistakes they’ve made but supporting them in their journey and celebrating their efforts. Treating ourselves with the kindness we extend to others is the goal of self-compassion.

Rather than trying to change what we feel, self-compassion allows us to accept our difficult emotions and thoughts. The journey of parenting is rarely consistent with our pre-parenthood expectations. When we hold too tightly to those expectations and try to force our children into the mental mold we have created, it rarely ends well.

Some parents never allow themselves to feel the grief associated with releasing those expectations. Self-compassion allows us to experience that grief while not shaming ourselves for feeling it. It allows us to focus on the gifts and superpowers of our neurodivergent children, as well as those we possess.

Practicing self-compassion is not a lack of accountability. Self-compassion can actually reinforce accountability and commitment, making it easier to correct ourselves and try again or apologize when we’ve made a mistake. Nor is self-care a selfish indulgence; it’s a necessity for sustainable parenting.

By prioritizing your well-being, you are not only enhancing your own life but also creating a more positive and supportive environment for your family. Embrace self-compassion, acknowledge your efforts, and prioritize self-care. You deserve to feel happy, healthy, and refueled.

If you are struggling on your parenting journey, it can be helpful to speak with a counselor. Don’t hesitate to reach out to our offices today. We can connect you with a professional who can help.