Forming Female Friendships

If you are a woman, you may know the benefits of forming female friendships. Did you have many close friends in childhood? You may have had a best friend through grade school and then a few besties throughout middle and high school.

However, as we age and take on responsibilities, we outgrow friendships. Unfortunately, we may not replace those past connections with new ones, leaving us lonely. We may have told our children when they were little to make new friends, but it seems more complicated for us once we are grown up. The secret is not to make new friends but to form female friendships.

Taking the leap to form female friendships

If you have been hurt in the past by a friend, you may be less inclined to invite others into your life, let alone form female friendships. Real friendships require vulnerability. When you are frightened of betrayal or rejection, those feelings can keep you from reaching out to others.

Yet, close friendships increase hormones, like serotonin, responsible for happiness. When you receive that boost, your mental and emotional health improves. You begin to feel better, happier, and less anxious. This can also lead to better physical health.

Taking the leap to form new friendships may initially seem risky, but the benefits outweigh the negatives. Who knows? You might meet someone who becomes an integral part of your life and a lifelong friend.

Look around you

Do you feel awkward trying to fit into a group of people? Does the idea of making new friends intimidate you? Instead of going out on the sole quest to bring back a new best friend, try looking around at the places you already frequent. You want a friend who shares the same values, beliefs, and interests that you do.

Notice some women at your church, community center, or library. Start conversations with a few of the women. Don’t just focus on women your age; choose women older and younger than you. You may find that an older female friend can offer advice on situations she has experienced, and you can do the same for a younger woman. For example, if you are 45, consider befriending the 84-year-old widow and the 29-year-old single mom.

Join a group

If you are new to the area, consider joining a group. Your local community center, a church, or an interest group will allow you to meet others and initiate conversations. If you are familiar with the area, consider organizations you can join. For example, if you enjoy photography, is there a club for amateur photographers in your area?

You can also look into female-owned businesses. For example, if you need skincare or cosmetics, you could research local consultants from sales companies and contact one of them. Then schedule a facial, makeover, or demonstration either in your or the consultant’s home.

Smile more

When you are approachable, you will notice that people are automatically drawn to you. This magnetism starts with a smile. How often do you smile throughout the day? Think about when you have been in a situation where you didn’t know anyone. Whom did you approach for information or directions? Was it someone who seemed friendly because they smiled at you?

Smiling disarms people, making both of you feel happier and more relaxed. Try smiling more during the day and take note of how you feel. Do you have more confidence when you smile? How do other people respond when you smile at them? Aim to make eye contact and smile at five people every day for a week to get started. Record your results.

Offer to help

Want to make a new friend quickly and spend time forming the friendship? Offer to help someone new. For example, if they are new to town or in your church, offer to show them around the area or church campus. If you see people moving into a house on your street, volunteer to move their boxes. If you know of a widow or widower, offer to mow their lawn or shovel snow.

A friend is helpful, and finding ways to make yourself indispensable while showing kindness proves that you are someone worth getting to know to the right people. Remember: it may seem like an inconvenience at first to volunteer to help others, but in the end, you are a blessing.

Ask questions

People love to talk about themselves, and women are no exception. But how do you form female friendships and deepen the relationship? By asking plenty of questions and actively listening to the answers. Ask a woman about her family, spouse or partner, children, parents, and where she grew up.

Get to know her interests and hobbies by asking about how she spends her free time, her hobbies, her career, and her education. In addition, ask her about her dreams and aspirations. Take note of what she says. It is the details that can really endear someone to you.

For example, your new friend mentions that she loved the character of Snoopy from Charlie Brown while growing up, so you buy her a Snoopy music box for Christmas. When she sees the box, she will think of you and how you cared enough to listen.

Ask them to join you

Everyone wants to feel included. Some great friendships have grown because a woman invited another woman to a luncheon, party, or event. Ask another woman to join you for coffee, lunch, or a shopping trip. This quality time allows you to talk and get to know one another.

Think about the women you would like to deepen your friendship with. Is one of them a runner or a power walker? Ask her to join you for a morning walk or jog. Has she mentioned that she would like to get her children into church? Invite her to your church as a guest and give her the grand tour. Or get creative and ask her to join you for a much-needed break at a local café, coffee shop, or restaurant.

Deepen the conversations as you grow

As you get to know each other, and when you feel comfortable, take the friendship beyond perfunctory and become vulnerable. Confide in her a little bit about your life. Of course, you do not need to share all of your secrets (as you should keep some things private). But, as women, we tend to nurture relationships by sharing confidences.

If your friend confides in you, please keep her information private. Just as you would not want everyone to know everything about you, give your friend the same respect. Even if your friendship sizzles out years later, keep her life private and honor her confidences. That is a matter of integrity and evidence of good character.

Be okay growing into new friendships

More than likely, you are no longer close friends with the girls who were your best friends growing up. You might still see them around or like their posts on social media, but you have led different lives. Even the friends you made in your twenties and thirties may no longer play an active role in your life.

Be okay with letting those past friendships go. It is not that the friendships were bad or soured. On the contrary, you both grew in different ways and different directions. But you should remain open to making connections with new people.

Seek help when you need it

Do you struggle to connect with new people and form friendships? Many women feel disconnected from others, especially if they haven’t had any new friendships for many years. A counselor can teach you communication and interpersonal skills to help you form new female friendships and deepen that connection. Contact us today to schedule a session with a counselor to discuss how we can help you.